Audentis Fortuna Iuvat

I wandered away from the senate meeting with my head swimming underneath a flood of confusing thoughts and emotions. I found myself walking up temple hill to sit and think away from the masses. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten and let it slip by me.

I settled myself there on a rocky outcrop looking over New Rome and just started to cry in frustration when I heard the dull beat of feet against dirt coming up the path.

I turned to see Dakota with a huge red grin on his face.

"Centurions aren't meant to hide themselves away like this." He told me, coming to a puffing stop and sitting beside me.

I shrugged off his comment in silence.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"What? Oh, no, nothing's wrong."

"You can tell me." He said gently. "You can tell me anything, Kerri."

"It's been a year, now."

"What? A year since what?" He pushed.

"He died. It's been a year since my dad died." I blinked to still the overflowing tears in my eyes. I had forgotten it. I had forgotten that my dad had given his life for me, to save me.

"Oh."

"Yeah, and now I'm meant to try and run a cohort with the guilt of his death as new in my mind as the day it happened? I thought that I could do this but I guess I was wrong." The tears burned tracks down my face, if only my emotions could flow out with them.

"Kerri, you didn't cause your father's death, it was a freak fire." He tried to reassure me.

"But it wasn't. I was meant to die in that fire, I don't know why but I was, and he died instead."

"But still-"

"Please Dakota," I cut him off, "I just need some time alone."

He nodded and walked away slowly.

"And cut down on the Kool-Aid!" I shouted as an afterthought.

I heard his retreating footsteps and when I was sure he was gone I pulled a scrap of fabric from my pocket and looked down at it. 'Forever to have, forever to hold.' The singed bookmark read, it used to be his favourite quote. Of course now he was quite incapable of having favourite anythings; and it was all my fault.

Forever to have the memories of the fire burned into my mind. Forever to hold the guilt.

Notes