We pulled up at the motel and Mark checked us in while I got my thoughts in order. I was falling, my world collapsed into darkness and my surroundings granting no escape. I was falling into a pit of my own creation that I doubted I would ever find my way out of. I don't know what happened but something had snapped inside of me and I just wasn't right anymore. I was wrong. Worthless.

Mark returned, pulling me from the thoughts that were only pushing me further down the abyss.

"I've got our keys, come on let's-" He stopped and studied my face. "What's wrong."

I shook my head in reply, not able to really put in words how I felt.

He sighed. "Kerri, I need to know what's wrong."

"Just leave me alone." I snapped. "Keep your nose in your own business."

He blinked once and stared at me in a studying confusion. "I'll be right back." He said, rounding the car and opening the boot before beginning to rummage through it. Eventually he returned with two bottles of pills.

"You're not drugging me." I told him.

He tapped some of the medication into his hands and offered it to me. "Of course I am." He said.

It took the pills with a glare and grabbed my boiled water bottle, swallowing them in gulps. "I don't suppose it's worth asking what you just made me swallow?"

"Anti-depressants." He said casually and I felt the urge to vomit the pills back up.

"You [I said some words I'm not particularly proud of and I would prefer not to say again]! How dare you! I'm not depressed!" I shouted at him, knowing everything pouring from my lips was pure lie.

He shrugged. "It's not exactly going to hurt you, now come on, let's go and get some sleep."

I shot him a hateful glare before grabbing my things and storming past him, walking towards the motel lights.

"Wrong way!" Called Mark's voice behind me.

I growled some more unpleasant words and turned towards the other wing of the building. I wasn't falling anymore. I was sitting under a raging storm cloud at the bottom of the bottomless pit and drowning in rain of my own creation.

I didn't get far before I realised actually how little idea I had as to where I was meant to be going and hid in an alcove off the main path, waiting for Mark to pass with the keys before following him at a purposeful distance.

He unlocked our suite which was tiny; just a bunk bed, small table and a kitchenette. I assumed there was a shared bathroom somewhere else.

I watched Mark go in but I didn't follow, sliding down the wall and staring up at the stars with my mind churning.

---

I sat outside the door into the early hours of the morning trying to get a grip on my emotions, to claw my way out of the pit. But nothing would help me. I breathed in the lingering warm air of the night until I felt like I would suffocate under its weight and rushed back into the motel room where Mark already slept on the bottom bunk.

I climbed above with the wince-worthy screech of loose bolts and fell asleep nearly instantly, both physically and mentally exhausted.

---

I awoke with the uneven floorboards biting into my body and a bonechilling unfamiliar manic screaming ringing in my ears, my limbs convulsing uncontrollably and muscles twitching. Goosebumps pricked every inch of my skin, sweat lay in a mat on my brow. My heart thumped irregularly in my ears and my forehead burned with more intensity than Apollo himself could master.

The screaming continued as my body continued to shudder with a mind of its own and I realised that the screaming was my own. I could think of nothing but fear, terrible, terrible, fear. I had lost control of my mind and now my body had followed it into the pit.

I saw a blurry shape behind the spots in my vision and someone gripped my arms firmly, trying to get me to stay still and stop my arms flailing.

I didn't know if the body succeeded halting my seizure as it chose that moment to attack my mind and my consciousness collapsed into darkness.

Notes

Ugh describing depression is hard! Any feedback is appreciated!

-Phoebe :)