I'm Not Worth The Tears

Nico didn't realize he was crying until the bitter salty taste dripped down his cheeks and rested in the corner of his lips. Nico froze momentarily before attempting to take a deep breath to calm himself. His attempts instead leaving him spluttering and choking on his own sobs as they rose in his throat.

Nico could no nothing but hope that his father wasn't witnessing this as he buried his face in the sleeve of his leather aviator jacket, shoulders shaking as he expelled the exponentially growing emotion which had been building up for so long. Nico balled his fists, furious at himself for reacting this way. Nico was the son of Hades. He should be able to get over incidents such as this! But there was something about that glimmer in Percy's eyes. It was as if he could drown in the sea green and escape from all of his worries. Even just a quick glance in them brought Nico back to when he was a young boy by the age of ten.

Nico had collected Mythomagic cards as a hobby. He passionately loved the game. Percy was Nico's favorite game brought to life. It was a living fantasy for Nico. Little did he know that the moment he gazed into Percy's eyes would be the last of his childhood naivety. From that very moment, Nico had been swept into the deep sea, and just when he began to reach the shore, a riptide would drag him back in. For countless years, he had been thrashing. Trying to stay afloat. Trying not to fully give in to the water's beckoning, for that would be his downfall. He thought he had reached the shore. He thought he had finally broken away from the water's grip when he was informed of Bianca's death.

Nico had lashed out at Percy, accusing him of being the cause of her death. He had screamed at Percy. Told him that he hated him. He was so furious, so blinded by rage and betrayal of Bianca's decline to realize that, once Percy was gone, he was truly alone. Having been caught up in a wide range of emotions, Nico had fled into the woods. He was terrified. Terrified of being an outcast. Terrified of being alone.

The years passed by. After the battle with Kronos, Nico had his own cabin built at Camp Half-Blood. Though upon arriving, it shouldn't have been a surprise at all to find the news that Annabeth was Percy's girlfriend. What's not to love about the guy, right? He was a role model. Loyal. Strong-hearted. A hero. Also, defeating Kronos definitely had to have been a plus. Nico watched as the camp rejoiced, raising Percy and Annabeth onto their shoulders before throwing them into the lake with a cheer.

Nico didn't partake in any of the camp's enthusiasm. He didn't sing along to the campfire songs. He sat alone at the Hades table in the Pavilion. Despite being accepted into Camp Half-Blood, there was still that large void in his heart. He longed to relive the past. He yearned for Italy, his mother, his sister.

He had thought that being a Half-Blood was 'so cool' at first, when in reality… It was just a horror film of watching everything you love slowly being ripped apart before your eyes. If time was not their downfall, then monsters, if not monsters, betrayal, if not betrayal… Love.

Percy would do anything for the Daughter of Athena. She had been his light in the dark, saved his life on multiple occasions, triggered his lost memory. Percy would repay her by dropping thousands of feet down, to the depths of Tartarus as long as it meant he could hold her hand as they fell. He would be there to protect her. Annabeth was Percy's perfect other half. Not even the Gods themselves could break their bond. So why would Nico even try? What was he holding on to?

Possibly it was that fire that flared to life the moment he set his eyes on Percy. The Son of Poseidon was a role model. Strong, courageous… Fearless. Percy would do anything to protect his friends, and that was the only thing Nico had left to hold on to. Whenever he felt like giving up, he would always remember Percy's face. Remember how Percy had protected him and Bianca from the Manticore in Westover Hall. Remember how he'd escaped from the Labyrinth, defeated Kronos… How he'd fallen into Tartarus if it meant to be with the one he loves.

Nico admired Percy Jackson, and somewhere in that admiration, a certain spark was struck within him. A spark which Nico had been dreading his entire life. The spark quickly turned into a roaring flame which he constantly fought to keep contained. A low growl sounded in the back of Nico's throat as all of his emotions flared to life at once. He could do nothing but helplessly curl in on himself, shivering against the cold of the night air.

Countless tears streaked down his face, and Nico tried his best to fight back the shuddering sobs which violently shook his shoulders as he hunched over in a sitting position. The thousands of tears he had kept burdened inside, slowly building up over time. Nico had never had a reason to cry. He didn't believe that feeling sorry for himself would help the situation at hand, so he would always try his best to overcome it.

Though now he had someone to mourn for. Someone which had such an unexplainable impact on Nico's life. He loved Percy. Nico gripped handfuls of hair on either side of his head and yanking in frustration. He let out an agonized yet muffled yell, feeling the true suffering of his inner soul erupt within him. The flame grew out of control. It consumed Nico's mind, infected his soul. Nico's admiration for Percy grew painfully exponential within in a short amount of time, and Nico found himself desperately clawing to break the surface as he was once again swept into the depths of the ocean.

The water did not lull him. It didn't tell him that everything would be alright. There was no comfort in its cryptic embrace. It was shunning, cold, pushing Nico down as if it were afraid of the Ghost King. It wasn't directly evasive, but rather shunning from the purest form of naivety. Every time Nico reached out to it, it would recoil. Percy had no idea what pain he had caused Nico. Every time Annabeth's hand fell into place with Percy's, Nico's heart stopped. When she kissed him… All of Nico's senses screamed at him to lock down and run in the opposite direction.

But the moment Percy's hand slipped from the ledge of Tartarus, Nico felt as if his entire world had been turned upside down. Despite all of the pain and suffering the Son of Poseidon had inadvertently caused him, Nico wanted to repay Percy Jackson. He wanted to thank him for his protection in the past. He wished to repay Percy for trying his hardest to save Bianca. Nico wanted to return the courage it took for Percy to defeat Kronos, risking his life to end the war.

But he couldn't. Nico sighed, his body wet from tears and shivering in the wind. He stood, feeling numb inside and peered over the edge of the cliff. Sharp rocks glared back, daunting and taunting at the same time. This was the only way to end his pain.

The son of Hades knew no one would miss him. They would just think he traveled away. But that was a lie. Not one tear would be shed when he didn't return to dinner. Percy would be happy, with Annabeth. Life would go on, no one caring about the creepy emo boy.

Nico could finally be free, see his mother's eyes, his sister's laughing. He smiled at the thought and tensed his body. Hazel. The thought popped into his head, but Nico pushed it away.This is it. With a flying leap Nico launched off the small ledge and began hurtling toward the sharp rocks.

Tears were spilling out of is eyes, and his body was stinging against the wind. Nico wouldn't be missed, but he would miss the living. Not a sound was uttered as the small teen dropped. But despite all that, Nico closed his eyes and whispered to himself,

"I'm not worth the tears,"

Those were the Ghost King's final words as his body was punctured by the rocks, his life coming to a hault abruptly and painlessly.

Notes

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