The Original Character Court
Kerri Davis
Submitted by: The Bright One
Basics
Name: Kerri Davis
Age: 16-18
Gender: Female
Birthday: 17th June
Ethnicity: American/European
Hair color: Auburn
Eye color: Brown
Other physical descriptions: Well-muscled though otherwise quite average
[So lean muscular, then.]
Height: 170 cm
Weight: 65 kg
[Healthy combination]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Bellona
[This explains the being good at different forms of battle.]
Mortal parent: Mr Davis
[A name would be nice.]
Other relationships:
Personality
Positive traits:
Fears/Phobias: Fear of hurting others
[This blends nicely with the "pushes people away" trait.]
Fatal Flaw: Protects others from pain at her own cost
[Again, another recurring thing with PJO OCs. It sounds similar to Percy's Fatal Flaw. Just pointing that out.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Jupiter
Cohort: 1st
Number of years: 4
Weapon of choice: Fights with assigned weapons, generally a spear, sword or javelin
[So the standard equipment]
Other weapons: Fights with a bow and arrow, spear, sword, javelin, shield and basically any other weapon assigned to her
Powers and Abilities: She has no special powers
[Well, she's skilled in different forms of battle. Giving her special powers might make her a bit over-powered so good call.]
Backstory:
She lived with her father who was suffering from extreme mental disorders.
[Which are? Why would also help.]
When she was eleven, she was taken to train with Lupa
[By whom?]
but her father stopped her on her way to camp, begging her to stay with him.
[If he's mentally unstable, she should probably get help.]
Three years later, their house burns down under mysterious circumstances and Kerri escapes to Camp Jupiter, scarred both mentally and physically.
[Well, if your house suddenly burns down of course you'd get scarred.]
Comments:
Overall, the OC seems well-balanced; not too overpowered, not too weak. The positive and negative traits make sense. There are a few things that should have been expounded upon (i.e. Father's mental disorders, and the backstory because it seems a bit thin.) I'll be lenient with the backstory part since I assume The Bright One wrote a story so the rest can be found there.
Final judgement: Elysium
Basics
Name: Kerri Davis
Age: 16-18
Gender: Female
Birthday: 17th June
Ethnicity: American/European
Hair color: Auburn
Eye color: Brown
Other physical descriptions: Well-muscled though otherwise quite average
[So lean muscular, then.]
Height: 170 cm
Weight: 65 kg
[Healthy combination]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Bellona
[This explains the being good at different forms of battle.]
Mortal parent: Mr Davis
[A name would be nice.]
Other relationships:
- Mark - friend (deceased)
- Catie - friend (deceased)
- Reyna - friend and sister
- Tomas - friend and younger brother (deceased)
- Cindy - friend (deceased)
- Giselle - friend
- Swan - friend
- Dakota - friend
- Becca - friend (missing)
- Octavian - enemy
Personality
Positive traits:
- Very protective of her friends
- Physically strong and excels in most forms of battle
- Doesn't love easily but loves very deeply
- Hard working
- Major depression and anxiety
- Not very trusting
- Pushes people away
- Blames herself easily
Fears/Phobias: Fear of hurting others
[This blends nicely with the "pushes people away" trait.]
Fatal Flaw: Protects others from pain at her own cost
[Again, another recurring thing with PJO OCs. It sounds similar to Percy's Fatal Flaw. Just pointing that out.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Jupiter
Cohort: 1st
Number of years: 4
Weapon of choice: Fights with assigned weapons, generally a spear, sword or javelin
[So the standard equipment]
Other weapons: Fights with a bow and arrow, spear, sword, javelin, shield and basically any other weapon assigned to her
Powers and Abilities: She has no special powers
[Well, she's skilled in different forms of battle. Giving her special powers might make her a bit over-powered so good call.]
Backstory:
She lived with her father who was suffering from extreme mental disorders.
[Which are? Why would also help.]
When she was eleven, she was taken to train with Lupa
[By whom?]
but her father stopped her on her way to camp, begging her to stay with him.
[If he's mentally unstable, she should probably get help.]
Three years later, their house burns down under mysterious circumstances and Kerri escapes to Camp Jupiter, scarred both mentally and physically.
[Well, if your house suddenly burns down of course you'd get scarred.]
Comments:
Overall, the OC seems well-balanced; not too overpowered, not too weak. The positive and negative traits make sense. There are a few things that should have been expounded upon (i.e. Father's mental disorders, and the backstory because it seems a bit thin.) I'll be lenient with the backstory part since I assume The Bright One wrote a story so the rest can be found there.
Final judgement: Elysium
@QuidditchSeeker
Ah. That makes much more sense.
1/15/15