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Gods Fight For Their Child (Complete) - Comments, page 3
@Clos1220
Thanks for the feedback I know that the first part is a bit rushed because I actually want the main of the story to happen in this sequal type thing and I know that the gramatical errors are there I'm not the best with that stuff and yes Ares stole the stuff but behind the scenes he could have gotten someone to do it for him and yea private message me about a collab!
***NOT HATING JUST GIVING FEEDBACK TO HELP YOU OUT*** Honestly this story is very rough around the edges and the main thing that leads to the whole plot is very irrational . 1st.) A lot of errors(grammar) 2nd.) More errors(story, overall) Rich stressed this in the Lightning Theif, Gods cannot steal each other's symbols of power! That's like the whole focus of you story... 3rd.) Small chapters 4th.) Seems like you rushed through it, seems like no effort or passion was given to create this. 5th.) Zeus would never go down to Tartarus because all the baddies can gang up on him after all he is away from his domain. 6th.) Too simple! You need to catch the audiences attention this whole story was straight to the point not very fun to read, plus no tragedy... Greek based myths are known for tragedy 7th.) Could've done a better job overall but you have some potential, I am 15(recently turned 15) and a huge PJ and HOO fan also a HUGE marvel fan so you I was thinking we should do a collaboration on Google Docs or something?
For baby names maybe Minerva or Diana. For a boy Bob, after Bob the titan for a middle name maybe Dammeson.
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1/24/15