Help Corner!

I know my thing is to provide an overall review but again I'm skipping that and going into the suggestions deal:

Spoiler alert! Enter at your own risk!


One thing I suggest is that you take your time and describe things. I pulled something from your story:

"I was driving along the road, it was raining heavy at night, it was the biggest storm since the freak hurricane we had last summer.

POP!

Went the first tire, then.

POP!

The next one went out and my car skidded off the road."

Then you say that Emma called her mom. Well did Emma's car stop? What stopped her then a tree?

Things like that....

SLOW DOWN WITH YOUR PLOT LINE!

When you introduced percy and annabeth in the exact same chapter you ship your oc and percy with percy flooring the gas petal... Personally I don't mess with cannon relationships but this is your story so whatever. But you do have to be aware that Percy and Annabeth have been dating for like seemingly ever and have 10 books of history together. Then in one short chapter parents die next orphan funeral and now with grandma then percy and annabeth then amazing power It's simply too quick.

Paint a picture for me when you are describing something assume I know nothing about the story ok?

Be wary that Emma is a mary sue... everything good and bad happens to her but she able to push through and the guy is hers. Build her character and if you want a character sheet then I'll be happy to provide one.

Also what is this power that they are practicing? If this is a crossover please say so (i might have missed something) also please take the time to explain!



If you have any questions or if you need something explained more then please message me and I'll be happy to help you!

Signing off,
Eliza Rush

Notes