Reviews and Teddy Bears
The Aftermath
The Aftermath by Grafon
The Aftermath by Grafon is a mature (rated R) and mindbogglingly well-written story that contains amazing descriptions and perfectly depicted characters, tied together with an intense and gripping plot. It all starts when Percy finds Annabeth in bed with another man and turns towards reckless actions that will slowly uncover the mysteries behind his girlfriend's indiscretion as well as put him and those he loves in danger (again). I more than strongly recommend giving it a read (to those of a higher age group). I enjoyed every second and every word!
Notes to the author: (Recommendations and first opinions) (will contain spoilers)
I was asked to focus on realism in the interactions between characters and to see if there was too little of anything
Cover art: The cover art is slightly pixelated but the cold, dark colours really set the tone for the story as serious and depressing. The posture of the man pictured portrays the emotion of betrayal and all in all it really sums up your story very well!
Blurb: It's short and to the point. It tells readers what the story is about without giving too much away which is wonderful!
Summary: Again with the brilliance getting the point across in only a few words. It raises suspicion in the reader and draws them into the story. The use of rhetorical questions is fabulous and sets the reader's train of thought onto the path that you want it to be on. Really it's just wonderful and very well thought over.
First chapter: Woah this is so descriptive and so detailed and yes I've read it before but I notice even more wonderful details this time. I think that in this chapter the interactions are perfect to the single word and the realism is totally on point. There's nothing I'd want for you to fix.
Second chapter: I don't think you realize how amazing your writing is! I don't think Percy would have maybe reacted with such extremity to Annabeth cheating on him but it is possible due to his high value placed in loyalty, and aside from that there is again nothing wrong with the realism. The only thing I would change would be having a different copy of the picture rather than the same one, as things floating down the Styx represent lost hopes and dreams and his hopes and dreams were still quite intact when you say he found it. Otherwise it is again, absolutely perfect!
Third chapter: Very strong start. It's really melodramatic and I totally think that his actions are all realistic and justified. I do not like the other guy, not at all. Which I'm guessing is going to have some kind of significance later on. Either that or I just do not like him. Percy really is being rather naughty in this chapter but his actions are still wonderfully justified and that other guy who convinced him it was a good idea just reinforced his need to make Annabeth hurt as much as he is and that is wonderful *applauds*. Woah, amazing ending, amazing development, amazing chapter!
Fourth chapter: You warned of the mature content and that is very good and polite of you! :) I KNEW I WAS RIGHT NOT TO LIKE HIM!!!! Woah crud this chapter is dramatic and everything is just starting to make sense which is wonderful and I swear that I can't even begin to tell you what a brilliant writer you are! This chapter is so emotionally intense that I think the air around me is getting thicker! It was amazing to read and I can find nothing wrong with this chapter. I love that you've used the slightly dodgy stuff to only further the plot (which is a skill that so many writers seem to lack) and so you deserve another one of these *applauds* :)
Fifth chapter: Jason is a brilliant friend and you've definitely been true to the books there. Piper is lovely as always and you've depicted them both brilliantly. I think that their reactions are definitely believable in this context and although the plot didn't further too much in this chapter, I was updated on Jason and Piper's lives and I found reassurance in the fact that Percy is now safe and with friends who will take care of him. Brilliant as always!
Sixth chapter: “Love can change your life so much for the better that I never realized it could ruin it.” Woah, that's pretty deep. I like that Percy is getting mad at himself for not being loyal because that's totally something that he would do. Omigosh yes I can totally see Piper as an excited fangirl! Ooooooh yes the plot is moving again and the air is thickening (or that might just be the large umbrella that fell on my head a few chapters ago trying to suffocate me)! I love all these new inventions of Leo's and they all work in the context of the demigod universe and they're SO CLEVER! *pakipaki* I've read this twice but I only just realised that Piper was fangirling over her own relationship which, again, is SO CLEVER! Top marks for realism and writing and being amazing!
Seventh chapter: *whispers* Hey Daniel, I don't know what the date is there but here it's the 31st and I don't think I'm really that far ahead. If you're having writer's block then you can message me and I'll help you but if not you should definitely keep writing this amazing story because it is wonderful and I am overly curious about where the plot is going to go! The only thing there was too little of were amazing chapter for me to have the pleasure of reading! :)
You are without a doubt a truly gifted writer and it's been an honour to give you my opinions on your story. If you have any questions then do not hesitate to message me anytime :)
-Phoebe :)
The Aftermath by Grafon is a mature (rated R) and mindbogglingly well-written story that contains amazing descriptions and perfectly depicted characters, tied together with an intense and gripping plot. It all starts when Percy finds Annabeth in bed with another man and turns towards reckless actions that will slowly uncover the mysteries behind his girlfriend's indiscretion as well as put him and those he loves in danger (again). I more than strongly recommend giving it a read (to those of a higher age group). I enjoyed every second and every word!
Notes to the author: (Recommendations and first opinions) (will contain spoilers)
I was asked to focus on realism in the interactions between characters and to see if there was too little of anything
Cover art: The cover art is slightly pixelated but the cold, dark colours really set the tone for the story as serious and depressing. The posture of the man pictured portrays the emotion of betrayal and all in all it really sums up your story very well!
Blurb: It's short and to the point. It tells readers what the story is about without giving too much away which is wonderful!
Summary: Again with the brilliance getting the point across in only a few words. It raises suspicion in the reader and draws them into the story. The use of rhetorical questions is fabulous and sets the reader's train of thought onto the path that you want it to be on. Really it's just wonderful and very well thought over.
First chapter: Woah this is so descriptive and so detailed and yes I've read it before but I notice even more wonderful details this time. I think that in this chapter the interactions are perfect to the single word and the realism is totally on point. There's nothing I'd want for you to fix.
Second chapter: I don't think you realize how amazing your writing is! I don't think Percy would have maybe reacted with such extremity to Annabeth cheating on him but it is possible due to his high value placed in loyalty, and aside from that there is again nothing wrong with the realism. The only thing I would change would be having a different copy of the picture rather than the same one, as things floating down the Styx represent lost hopes and dreams and his hopes and dreams were still quite intact when you say he found it. Otherwise it is again, absolutely perfect!
Third chapter: Very strong start. It's really melodramatic and I totally think that his actions are all realistic and justified. I do not like the other guy, not at all. Which I'm guessing is going to have some kind of significance later on. Either that or I just do not like him. Percy really is being rather naughty in this chapter but his actions are still wonderfully justified and that other guy who convinced him it was a good idea just reinforced his need to make Annabeth hurt as much as he is and that is wonderful *applauds*. Woah, amazing ending, amazing development, amazing chapter!
Fourth chapter: You warned of the mature content and that is very good and polite of you! :) I KNEW I WAS RIGHT NOT TO LIKE HIM!!!! Woah crud this chapter is dramatic and everything is just starting to make sense which is wonderful and I swear that I can't even begin to tell you what a brilliant writer you are! This chapter is so emotionally intense that I think the air around me is getting thicker! It was amazing to read and I can find nothing wrong with this chapter. I love that you've used the slightly dodgy stuff to only further the plot (which is a skill that so many writers seem to lack) and so you deserve another one of these *applauds* :)
Fifth chapter: Jason is a brilliant friend and you've definitely been true to the books there. Piper is lovely as always and you've depicted them both brilliantly. I think that their reactions are definitely believable in this context and although the plot didn't further too much in this chapter, I was updated on Jason and Piper's lives and I found reassurance in the fact that Percy is now safe and with friends who will take care of him. Brilliant as always!
Sixth chapter: “Love can change your life so much for the better that I never realized it could ruin it.” Woah, that's pretty deep. I like that Percy is getting mad at himself for not being loyal because that's totally something that he would do. Omigosh yes I can totally see Piper as an excited fangirl! Ooooooh yes the plot is moving again and the air is thickening (or that might just be the large umbrella that fell on my head a few chapters ago trying to suffocate me)! I love all these new inventions of Leo's and they all work in the context of the demigod universe and they're SO CLEVER! *pakipaki* I've read this twice but I only just realised that Piper was fangirling over her own relationship which, again, is SO CLEVER! Top marks for realism and writing and being amazing!
Seventh chapter: *whispers* Hey Daniel, I don't know what the date is there but here it's the 31st and I don't think I'm really that far ahead. If you're having writer's block then you can message me and I'll help you but if not you should definitely keep writing this amazing story because it is wonderful and I am overly curious about where the plot is going to go! The only thing there was too little of were amazing chapter for me to have the pleasure of reading! :)
You are without a doubt a truly gifted writer and it's been an honour to give you my opinions on your story. If you have any questions then do not hesitate to message me anytime :)
-Phoebe :)
@Sadie Chase 2
That would be beyond awesome! :) I'll add you to the story now and if you'd also like I can send you an email including all of the tools I've been using. (Also, then I can add you to the form so you can see new entries) :) If you don't wish to then that's fine. I wish you luck!
6/18/15