Inexperienced

I was dazed. I didn't have any tears left and I just wandered about a bit. Percy had left me on the beach because I'd been staring ahead for a while, frozen in place.

About half an hour after he'd left, however, my legs thought it necessary to walk around. At some point, I found myself at cabin number three, staring into the mirror in the bathroom.

Immortal.

Up until now, that word had seemed like something alien, Sci-Fi, and, well, pretty much impossible.


I had no idea what to think about living eternally. I mean, what even is an eternity? Doesn't everything end eventually?

But the biggest part was that I would live on, while my friends, brother and Aloisyus would not. Not to mention my father(the one who raised me, not mister Trident-waving).

My hands were clenched on the edge of the sink, and my breaths were coming fast. I felt like crying but couldn't, I felt like screaming but couldn't, I didn't know what to do or think or-

I'm having a panic attack.

Knowing what was going on didn't help. On the contrary, it only made it worse.
I'd sunk onto the floor, my arms wrapped around my chest, when I heard my name being called, but I didn't register the sound. I had trouble focusing my vision and my brain was just producing random thoughts. A faint golden light clouded the edge of my vision, which I guessed was a side effect from the lack of oxygen(or overload of oxygen, I couldn't remember whether I was hyperventilating or not breathing at all).

Suddenly the door of the bathroom was pulled open, revealing the blurry shape of Aloisyus.
I heard him curse and shout to someone behind him, 'Get out!' before he ducked out of view too. By then I was losing consciousness. I saw a bright golden flash before I blacked out.

~

I woke up to see Aloisyus looking at me, and I smiled.

His brow furrowed in question. 'Déjà vu.' I explained, and I looked around. I was lying in my own cot, the bathroom door still ajar. My cheeks reddened in shame.

'Aren't you done with seeing me broken down time after time?' I asked Aloisyus, feeling ashamed.

'No,' he answered, 'I have been in love with you for a over a year now and nothing you do can change that.' My cheeks reddened even further, though this time not in shame.

I wanted to kiss him, but he looked like there was something wrong.

'What is it?' I asked softly.

'Do you know what just happened?' I nodded.

'I was having a panic attack.'

'Yes, that too, but when you lost consciousness you showed your true godly form.' The look on his face was illegible.

I knew what it meant. I'd read about it in The Titan's Curse. When a god(or goddess) appears in his divine form, it means that all his essence, whatever that might mean, is collected in one 'body'. Anyone who is not a god would disintegrate at the sight of it.

'I could have killed you.' A coldness was spreading from my chest, numbing my body. I curled up against the wall, wrapping my arms around myself.

'Anne, please. Don't do this to yourself. You just have a lot to learn, that's all.'

'Then why do you and Chiron act like it's so severe, me being a goddess and all?' I was getting angry, and desperate. 'It's because I'm dangerous, isn't it? Because I'm a danger to you and to camp and to everything? Well, then, maybe I should leave.' I stood up and started shoving things into my backpack, but everything tumbled out again.

Aloisyus wrapped his arms around me, pinning my arms to my chest.

'Anne, stop. At least calm down before you go.'

'I can't. I have to go, to protect you.'

'At least let me come with you, like you intended earlier.' I shook my head vigorously. It was far too dangerous to be with me right now. Who knew when I lost control again? I steadied my breath, wormed myself out of his arms and packed my bag, properly this time.

I kissed Aloisyus goodbye and rushed out of the cabin before he could stop me. I made a quick detour to grab a sword and bow and arrow from the armory before I ran towards Thalia's tree.

I could hear people calling after me, but I didn't stop.

Notes