GG, Kronos, But I Have Foresight

You may be asking, "Eve, when faced with a half-bull, half-human monster who was throwing a tour bus at your taxi, what very heroic and very brave action did you take?"

I have one answer: I screamed like a girl. Granted, I was a girl, so that wasn't really as much of a hyperbole as it should have been.

Beckendorf winced and covered his ears as my piercing scream blasted from my vocal chords. The driver growled and turned around to glare at our backs. "WEREN'T YA DAMN KIDS EVER TOLD NOT TO DISTRACT YER DRIVER!?"

"B-B-Buh… B-Buhhht i-it's the… Mino… Mino…" I stammered, my fear of the beast causing my words to wrap around themselves on my tongue. The tour bus was nearly upon us, now, and Beckendorf gritted his teeth and whirled around to face the Chinese driver with the Southern accent.

"STEP ON IT!" he roared. "I'LL TIP YOU FIFTY DOLLARS IF YOU DO!"

The older man grinned, his squinty eyes getting squintier. "Deal!" he said. He looked back at the road and slammed his foot down on the gas pedal, swerving into the left lane to pass the guy ahead of us. We accelerated so fast that Beckendorf and I jerked back into our seats. My scream was cut off by the small impact, and the fact that I had to breathe.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" I sobbed to Beckendorf, tears streaming from my hazel eyes. Back in the right lane, the empty tour bus, a red double-decker, slammed into the street, bounced over five cars, and smashed into a Maserati. The cars both skidded off the road and into the sidewalks, causing terrified pedestrians to dive out of the way as Maserati and tour bus crashed into the side of a random brownstone.

I stared dumbly. "That could have been us," I whimpered as our driver continued to weave erratically through the traffic. "Thatcouldhavebeenusthatcouldhavebeenusthatcouldhavebeenus!"

"Calm down," Beckendorf said, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "We're going to be fine. You already survived a monster attack, didn't you?"

"YES, BUT THAT WAS WITH A SWORD STUCK IN MY HAND!" I cried. Beckendorf blinked at that. "DO YOU SEE ANY SWORDS STUCK IN MY HAND!?"

The dark-skinned man stared. "...Not even going to ask," he decided at last. "Anyway, this time, you don't have to do things yourself. Now you have a highly trained son of Hephaestus on your side. It's going to be alright. I won't let that thing hurt us."

"Are you two LARPers or somethin'?" our driver asked, keeping his gaze on the road as he ran a red light and scared a few people crossing the road.

I stared at him incredulously. "Did you not see the tour bus that hit that car?"

"Girlie, what are you smokin'?"

"I don't smoke! What the hell would make you think that!?"

"You did say that you'd had a sword stuck in your hand," Beckendorf pointed out.

"Quiet, you," I grumbled.

From behind us came the sound of smashing, lots of screaming, and cars crashing into either each other or buildings. Beckendorf and I turned around again to see what was going on, and we paled. The Minotaur had apparently decided that throwing buses at us was too boring, because now it was charging right up the street towards us. Any unlucky vehicles in its way got kicked aside, their drivers fighting and failing to maintain control over the wheel. One person in a white car accidentally smashed through the window of a shop, the glass scattering across the sidewalk.

"So much collateral damage!" I gasped in a small voice.

My escort's fists clenched. "We have to put a stop to this so that no more mortals get hurt. Hey, driver!" He leaned forward. "Can you find somewhere to pull over as soon as possible and let us out? Then get away as fast as you can and meet us back wherever you drop us off in about ten or fifteen minutes. I'll add to your tip if you do."

"Um, okay?" The driver tilted his head. "Weird, but I'm on it, feller!" He immediately swerved into the right lane and almost took out another car in doing so. Some severe honking rose up in our wake. I wept for my life; we'd obviously chosen a very dangerous person to have as our taxi man. After he got in the lane, he pulled as close up to the curb without going over it as he could, and Beckendorf and I rushed out of the car. The driver immediately made a hasty getaway, not questioning the purpose of our demands.

The Minotaur was a mere fifteen yards away now, and the distance was shrinking rapidly by the second. At this rate, he'd be on us in a matter of moments. I looked up nervously at Beckendorf. "I sincerely hope that you have a plan," I told him, "because otherwise we're just gonna die here, and I will haunt you in the Underworld. Even if I'm put in the Fields of Asphodel for annoying everyone by singing Frozen songs all the time."

"What's Frozen?" Beckendorf frowned and shook his head. "Whatever, that doesn't matter now. I do have a plan, however—you can rest assured on that. I will protect you, Eve."

"If it helps any," I said, scooting behind the hero, "he kind of only has one direction: forward. If you can daze him by getting him to run into a wall, you can take him out much easier."

He hummed in thought. "Thanks for the information. I assume someone fought the Minotaur in one of the books you told Chiron about?"

I sweatdropped. "He let you know about that?"

"Of course. It'd interfere with my mission if I didn't know as much about you as I could."

"Point taken," I sighed. "Wait, that doesn't matter right now anyway! It's here!"

And here the Minotaur was. During our little conversation, it had nearly completely closed the gap between us, and the setting sun's angle cast threw the monster's huge, inky shadow over us. It loomed above us, more than twice Beckendorf's height. We both took an involuntary step back. Beckendorf reached into one of the pouches that were strapped around him and extracted what looked like a mechanical spider of sorts, without any eyes. It did have something that looked like a periscope extending from the top of its head, however. Either way, Annabeth would've ran screaming from it.

"What's that?" I asked.

"My plan," Beckendorf said.

"That little thing?"

The tall man smirked. "Just watch."

I watched. The moment Beckendorf set his contraption on the ground, the spider darted forward, darting in and out of some random peoples' feet. The mechanical creature's periscope-like extension on its head swiveled around and locked on the Minotaur, which paused to glare down at the spider. The huge beast growled and tried to swat Beckendorf's bot, but it scurried out of the way. When the half-bull's arm rose back into the air, the spider was aboard it, and the sidewalk was cracked.

Beckendorf's eyes widened as he looked down at the cement. "...That thing is really strong," he said quietly.

I nodded meekly.

Meanwhile, the spider continued to scuttle up the monster's arm to its shoulder. The Minotaur, now completely distracted from us thanks the feeling of eight annoying legs on its shoulder, glared at it and blew actual steam from its big, flat nose. The monster, in full underpants, slammed its right fist on its left shoulder in an effort to squash the human-made bug there. It failed, and only grunted when something loud and painful-sounding cracked; the Minotaur had broken or dislocated its shoulder. My fearful gaze turned into one of admiration as the spider climbed around the Minotaur's body and made the increasingly angry beast hit itself. It was smaller and had greater mobility, meaning that even though its unhappy host was fast and accurate, it could escape each and every blow.

"Whoa," I said, staring. "Well… that's one way to kill a Minotaur, I guess."

The African American teen chuckled. "That's not all this thing can do, either," he said, reaching into the same pouch as before and pulling out a button hooked up to a wireless joystick. "Watch." He pressed the button, and as I kept a careful eye on the bronze arachnid, some sort of thin, green liquid seemed to be leaking out from where it normally would secret the silk—I couldn't remember what it was called.

I narrowed my eyes. "What's it doing?"

"That stuff coming out of its spinnerets?" Beckendorf's smirk widened. "That's Greek fire, liquidized. It's highly volatile and reactive. Once it touches the air, it only takes a short time for it to make like Michael Bay…"

BOOM! My jaw dropped as green fireballs covered the giant creature. The Minotaur howled, and we grinned. Smoke billowed into the air in amounts that would make the CPA cringe, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Man, that was satisfying, even though my eyes hurt like hell from staring directly at the explosions.

"Did it work?" I leaned forward, trying to see through the smoke.

Beckendorf frowned. "I don't know. I didn't think about how quickly the Greek fire would explode when building the spider, so it may have not gotten enough of the stuff on the monster to kill it."

Just as the heavily muscled demigod was finishing talking, an angry roar rose up from the smoke, and a limp hand wafted away the remaining air pollute. The Minotaur stood there, panting and looking much weaker, but very much not dead. I squeaked and backed up. This thing was tough. Even worse news for us was the unmoving, broken bronze arachnid clutched in the Minotaur's left hand. It dropped the spider and punted it so hard that the crumbling contraption flew clear above and beyond the building behind us.

Beckendorf growled. "I spent a month working on that thing," he grumbled, frowning at the Minotaur. His eyes narrowed as it stomped slowly over to us, its own body half broken from hitting itself and getting exploded at point blank range. "Alright, it shouldn't take much more to kill it. Have any weapons?" he added.

"Um… no." I sweatdropped.

He stared. "Chiron forgot to give you a weapon?" Upon my flat look, he sighed and reached into another pouch. "Oh well. Good thing I brought extra." He immediately withdrew two swords clenched tightly in his hand, which were both at least as long as my body and had absolutely no right to be able to fit in that small tool holder.

I gaped. "H-how…?"

"Perks of being a son of Hephaestus," Beckendorf chuckled. The Minotaur patted the ground with one foot and leaned forward. "I know how to be as efficient with my storage space as possible. Now, you're probably going to want to move. It looks like that thing's CHARGING!"
The last part was done as a yelp when the Minotaur suddenly launched itself at us with incredible speed. Beckendorf and I both leaped away with mere inches to spare. The monster raced by like a really mad freight train, almost barreling over some mortals. The commonfolk hauled ass out of Houston and screamed something about a stampeding herd. Our enemy skidded to a stop only a few feet before it slammed into a wall.

My eyes widened. "Beckendorf! Let's move closer to one of the buildings and get it to charge at us! Then let's jump away like we did just now!"

"Roger that!" The hero threw me one of the Celestial bronze swords, the shorter of the two, and this time I managed to actually catch it by the pommel and not the blade. It was heavy, but the grip felt much nicer around my fingers than Anaklusmos, and the balance of the weight seemed more attuned to me as well.

"Thanks!"

"Don't mention it!"

Beckendorf regrouped with me and we ran to put our backs against the nearest wall. The Minotaur was already on our tails, barreling at us with more energy and speed than Usain Bolt. It loomed over us, and my body seized up at first. Then my sense of self-preservation kicked in and like before, I jumped to the side at nearly the last second. But this time, the Minotaur was smarter, and its hand shot out to grasp me and lift me up high. Lightning bolts of pain tore through my body and I tried to scream, but nothing except a dry choke came out. It felt like the very life was being squeezed out of me. Beckendorf saw this and instead of leaping to the side, he ducked and rolled under the beast's legs.

My body started to glow bright gold, and I uselessly struggled. No! I refused to be taken to Hades! I wasn't going to be kidnapped here! I didn't know what his deal was with me, but I refused to be the plaything of the gods!

"EVE!" Beckendorf roared from behind the Minotaur as we crashed into the wall and it stumbled backward blearily. It gripped me tighter, and I heard a sickening crunch of some bone. Fear and denial rose rampant in my mind, and I desperately struggled to get at least one of my arms free so I could kill this thing!

My body glowed brighter and brighter, and as my vision started to blur I saw my escort leap high into the air, directly at the arm which clutched me tight, and slice down.

"I WON'T LET YOU KILL HER! HYAAAAH!"

Air. Breathing. I fell to the ground, gasping for air as the Minotaur's hand released its hold on me and I could breathe once more. My body still hurt from having the life literally almost squeezed out of me, but it wasn't compounding anymore, which was nice. I swore that I heard an annoyed Tch out of the corner of my ear when Beckendorf dropped his blade and caught me. I had to manually keep my sword from accidentally cutting him. The moment his hands touched my back, my glowing faded away.

"Hah… hah… just… dropping in?" I panted, grinning gratefully at my savior.

He stared. "Really? That's what you say after you almost die?"

"You don't know me very well yet, do you?"

After a short pause, he shook his head and grinned. "I guess I don't. But either way…" He set me down gently on the sidewalk, and picked up his dropped sword. Then he pointed it at the Minotaur and said, "It's time for this thing to die."

"Yeah, it's given us enough bullcrap," I agreed. Beckendorf snorted. I tried to stand up and winced as a sharp pain blared in my leg. I must've cracked one of the bones in it. It didn't feel or look broken, so that was good, but it was definitely at the very least sprained.

See, this is why I wish I'd been made a demigod. But noooo.

The Minotaur staggered from both the impact against the brownstone's wall, which was now cracked like a vertical crater, and the fact that its already self-broken arm was now sliced clean off and turned to dust. It stumbled around almost drunkenly, and Beckendorf walked forward casually. He brandished his Celestial bronze blade out before him. The Minotaur noticed the demigod and pawed the ground angrily in preparation for another charge. It took off at him, but Beckendorf stood still and held his ground. Then, the second that the monster was almost upon him, he swung his sword upwards with impressive speed, and the Celestial bronze stabbed clean through its neck like a knife through butter.

POOF. Bye-bye, Bull Nye. Gross, yellow monster dust was carried off by the wind, never to be seen again. Or at least, not until the Battle of Manhattan, if I couldn't butterfly that away.
I shot Beckendorf a thumbs-up. "Nice Shoryuken!" I mean, it wasn't exactly a Shoryuken at all, but he was a heavily muscled guy fighting in the streets, finishing off the battle with an upwards attack, so fight me.

"Shory…" The African American turned towards me, confusion etched across his face. His brow furrowed and he blinked rapidly. "Uh… what?"

"Ah, forget it. Hey, don't you usually get a spoils of war or whatever from monsters? So what did you get from beating that thing?"

Beckendorf shrugged. "I don't know," he said, and we both looked back to where the Minotaur had last been. And in its place…

Was its tighty whities.

We stared.

Several moments of silence passed.

"OH, COME ON!" Beckendorf complained loudly, while I erupted into a flurry of giggling so hard I almost couldn't breathe. "How is THAT useful!?"

"Maybe... it's made out of magic… Fruit of the Loo-hoo-hoom!" I chortled, gasping for breath and nearly crying.

"It's not funny!" he protested with a depressed groan.

"It definitely is!" I insisted, wiping tears from my eyes.

Beckendorf groaned and gingerly slipped his sword into the smelly underwear, grimacing as he lifted it up in the air. He sniffed it, and immediately reeled back from it, holding his nose with his free hand and squeezing his eyes shut.

"Oh, gods does that reek," he announced, and my laughter gained even more momentum. It was actually starting to hurt my chest.

And that, my friends, is the story of how a pair of tighty whities got added to the Big House's attic.

Notes