Review:

Can I just say, one of the best FANFICS EVER!?!?!

This story has an awesome plot and I personally enjoy a good military story and this blended Percy Jackson with a militant feel. But I also adore the cutsie relationship between the Son of Percabeth and a Daughter of Jaspier. ;D I really hope for a sequel soon from Grafon!
*hint* *hint*
Also this story goes international! Grafon did eEEExtremely well in making these places feel real and in some of the chapters he explained that some of the scenes were!

This story gets a 8.5
Continue writing Grafon!



Suggestions for the Author!


Plot: It seems to be in slight hurry. Also there could have been some drawn out things that I probably would have done differently but that's your call, if you want to hear them I'll be glad to share them so you can take ideas for future references.

Also filler chapters might be good for you because there's a lot of bouncing with going different places and changing motives. (Sidenote: Make sure the motives and moving around a lot is clear) Such as them two getting some sleep or them talking about their childhood something to draw the story out a little and give the reader a chance to settle after action.

Also the ending chapters when the campers get to Camp Half-Blood seem extremely blurry to me because of some descriptive issues, including not being descriptive enough.


Character Development: Some slight issues with Griff beating himself up so hard about the kid dying seems a little overboard. But that's the point right? Well in my head, hatred like he was displaying didn't match well. To me that kind of hatred would be like he fought against whatever-his-name-is (can't remember it lol) and still lost. Also with that particular chapter question, if they were on the field wouldn't they be armed already? Just a thought.

Also if you are considering making the sequels also international write out the accents. Like when writing a character dialogue, it doesn't matter if it's grammatically correct, write out how the accent should be.

EX: Vampire Speak
"I Vant to suck your blud."

It helps the reader hear the voice in their head and makes it easier to remember the accents.


LOVE your fanfic Grafon and please get the sequels! XD This is seriously one of my faves and I'm glad I could review it! If you have any questions or you feel I need to go more in depth than what I described please message me!

PEACE!

~Eliza

Notes

If you want your story reviewed please message or comment below! Be aware that I am working on another project that needs attending and there will be a wait. Speaking of: ECHO I AM ON LIKE CHAPTER 20 SOMETHING ODD AND I WILL GET YOUR REVEIW DONE ASAP!