Help Corner!

Review:
"I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob." (only a few people will get that but aw well.

Gosh I don't what to say other than AMAZING!!!!
This story will keep you on your toes with action and a bit o' romance.
It's a story in Leo's POV where he discovers the truth about himself and more!
Love the story! I will say there was an amazing plot twist, Leo's good ol' humor and everything!
The story is not quite complete and as of now it's at a cliffhanger! AND IT'S AWESOME!!!
There are some errors that I did find and all but it's easy to get past if you don't worry about it.

So all in all it's a great read with a lot of twists and turns! But since there was a technical error I do sadly have to deduct points! Sorry :/

I give this story a whopping E-I-G-H-T!!!

Good Job Percy Jackson on making a great story about everyone's favorite seventh wheel!



For the Author Only (go in at your own risk spoiler alert if you haven't read):

Awesome stuff:
Good job in selecting a title and the cover photo is amazing! It makes for a great hook for a story!

Excellent plot twist! I was totally caught off guard!
Love the humor!
You did all of the character's justice. That means you portrayed them well!

Suggestions and things I found:

Opening is important!
In this one I think it would be great if you would remind us what just happened ie. Leo met calypso, just got back with Percy and Annabeth now they are off to fight Gaea. It helps the reader get where this is set up, less thinking of that sort so they can concentrate on the story on hand.

Be a little more descriptive!

Example from Book:
""Don't you dare die! I'm gonna miss you Leo." She said. Leo hugged her, "I'll be back. I promise."

We just came from another chapter thinking that Piper tackled him to the ground! So I have an example that might help:

"Leo expected to be on the ground with a headache and tied up again, but when he opened his eyes he found Piper's arms wrapped around his chest in a hug..."

Help the reader understand time has passed!
It's hard with the Mechanics, (oh hahahaha truly I am the daughter of Apollo), to understand that time has passed. Again you don't need to make the reader figure that kind of stuff out, less thinking in that area is for the best! But you started doing that in later chapters so good job!

Also with the paragraphing it helps if you indent more like here's an excerpt from the story:

"But I'm scared." Hephaestus did what no God has done before. He knelt down and hugged Leo, "I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just try and lead a normal life, and stay away from water!! You have hover boosters in your feet, eyes that can shine bright and powerful arms. You are my best creation yet."

Here's what I would do:

"But I'm scared." Leo said with tears in his eyes.
Hephaestus did what no God has done before: He knelt down and hugged Leo, "I'm sorry that this happened to you. Just try and lead a normal life,"
Hephaestus grinned and added, "and stay away from water!! You have hover boosters in your feet, eyes that can shine bright and powerful arms."
Hephaestus then looked at Leo in his eyes, "You are my best creation yet."

See? I even added some stuff in there to help the reader understand what is going on so they can picture it in their mind as if it was a movie. That's what I try and aim for at least.

Technical error!
No need to panic! But in Chapter Five I noticed that Calypso just suddenly jumped into the story! If Calypso needs to be in there get in a side story that she somehow escaped the island! But if it were me I'd leave her out so Leo could have a growing story and he become stronger then he can get the girl.

Also: Why did Leo feel like he had to go home? If i missed something that probably because of the stuff l talked about in the paragraph above. That would also fall in the "Be more descriptive" category .

I found minor grammar and spelling errors: So here's what you could do:
either go away for a while eat lunch, go read another book or what not and then come back re-read the story for errors, or have someone check for errors.

Hope you like the review and like the suggestions! I REEEAALLLY hoped it helps with your writing!

Notes

First review!
If you want a story of yours reviewed please contact me and I'll be happy to do it!

@Percy Jackson if you have any other questions or comments: please tell me!