Help Corner!

Review:

If you want an easy read that has a TON of action and drama, than this is the story for you! Here we witness twin sisters of Zeus making choices that will shape their lives forever and although they look alike they will end up leading very different lives. Will their sistership/friendship end? Find out and read for yourself!

I give this story sadly though 5.7 reasons being because of character and certain things in the plot I do not want to give away. But anyway 5.7 is still a pretty good score, but like all things it can use some improvement to make it a GREAT story! That's why I am here is it not?

Suggestions for the Author (Enter at your own risk if you have not read the story *spoiler alert* Don't say I didn't warn you!)

Alright Dauntless, here's the deal: you have a great plot and the writing is very clean and there are few grammatical errors. (Just remember "Whole" means like a whole circle of pizza. Hole is a hole in Thalia's jacket.)

But what I see here is just a skeleton in the body of this story. I can see throughout this whole story that you can add things here and there.

You are doing well in describing things but there is room for improvement! I find it particularly hard sometimes to identify with Hope and Faith's feelings. I mean their Mom just died and they are eight right? But why not have a part where they have their moment and we really understand what is going on in their heads? Just a thought.

Here's where you lost a lot of points: CHARACTER!

When I read your story it was like there were Faiths and Hopes everywhere! With all the characters it just sounded like there were clones of Faith and Hope walking around at camp. There really wasn't any differentiation of character and sometimes it sounds annoying. (I'm not trying to be mean I did this too that's why I'm really hard on the subject)

Not all people react the same to a situation, in fact no one does. They may agree on the same situation but they bring it about differently. Like I have a friend named Seth and we agree pretty much on everything but since we come from different backgrounds we do things differently. Like ummm if you will follow me on this: We both agree that abortion is wrong on any level but since both his parents were adopted and I know his Mom, her birth mother was complicating an abortion, so naturally he's a little more passionate on the subject. I'm passionate too but not in the same way he is, you get it?

Here's an exercise you can do and this what I did to help with character development:
See if you can find a character sheet and fill out the different things about their character (if you want I can send you one just let me know) down to the very last detail and try and start hearing their voice in your head and as you write try to hear what the voice would say. It's hard at first but it REALLY helps in the end and you bring out characters that people can associate with. If you feel I need to elaborate I will be more than willing to help you out.

Another thing: The twins seem to be lavished with many gifts, like with the bows from Artemis and the eye changing colors and everything. But I dunno they seem kinda useless I think it would be a good idea to put in "why" rather than an excuse that "the gods gave it to us". Why the bows? I don't have an idea for that one but with the eye one it could be, "Our eyes change color according to our mood."

I think that's enough lolz (I'm sorry if you think I'm harsh! I'm really only trying to help!)
Signing Off!
Eliza Rush

Notes

Third Review/Suggestions!

If you want your story to be reviewed please contact me and I'll be happy to do it! There is still a waiting line so please be aware it might be a couple of days until I get to it!

@Dauntless Demigod if you have any questions or comments please let me know!