Help Corner!

Review:

ChildofNike is a newer writer on Percy Jackson Fanfiction but i have no doubt that she'll find a place among us as a great writer. Her story "Win or Die" is in it's first few chapters so I can't make a definite the greatest of readings and tell you what you could get out of this book. But I will say this that it has amazing potential for action and perhaps romance ;). Dunno

But so far it's a good easy read with minor language and few grammar mistakes!
Since I sadly get a feel for this story I'll try my best but because of personal reasons I'm not a big fan of cursing in stories that's going to deduct points and I wanna say that I'm going to give "Win or Die" a optimistic 5.4

Suggestions (remember spoiler alert: enter at your own risk!):

You are doing great! It's just that it's so early in the story I can't really get a good read.

Love the characters!
You did and excellent job with Nico and Hades!

Now I will say that you try to make The Force Hunters sound dangerous but sadly I'm not convinced. They didn't really really seem that forbiddable in Micky D's cause Nico and Jayda got out so easily! So try and make them seem dangerous in the future.

Now I will suggest this and you don't have to take it, it's up to you I'm just putting it out there, and please don't get upset. I did notice the cursing, it is small I understand that, (hahahahaha), but espescially for me when there is cursing it puts me down. (make me feel sad {side note: it's soo bad that I yell "bleeeeeep" when I hear someone curse} I don't like being sad) And I do understand that some characters it's apart of their personality to curse and people do curse. So here's what I do either write the simple phrase, "she/he cursed" or I do this #$@^%&* or I was really proud of this one in my story "The First Daughter" my main character was getting beat up and was being called names and the line went,

""TELL US WHERE ARTEMIS AND THALIA YOU LITTLE-" and she called me a name that wish not to repeat"

But that's totally up to you and I know you flagged your story PG-13 but I'm just saying! :)
I don't have anything else: good job so far, and I can do another review when you are farther down the road!

Have a Marvelous Day!

Eliza Rush

Notes

Hello Demis!

So if you wish to have your story to be reviewed and want to know what you could do better please look me up and I'll be happy to do it for you!

@ChildofNike if you have any questions or comments please let me know!