Submitted by: Claire Winter
Basics
Name: Willa Jameson
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Birthday: May 14
Ethnicity: Mixed European
[Which ones? Just so I can make sure that there aren't too many.]
Hair color: Light brown
Eye color: Dull green
[Wait I'm not good with colors. I'll ask my girlfriend.]
[Olive green is a dull green - L]
[What she said. "Dull green" is a little difficult to picture since "dull" can be a relative term.]
Other physical descriptions: Scar on her forearm from a stroller when she was three.
[Wat. How? You don't need to add this. I'm just curious.]
Multiple piercings in each ear, including a couple of cartilage piercings on her left ear.
[Nice]
Height: 5'2"
Weight: 110 lbs
[Healthy]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Aphrodite
[I'll withhold judgement.]
Mortal parent: Kyle Jameson
Other relationships:
Adam Allbright - Boyfriend, son of Ares
Lucy Jameson - Stepmother
Isabella Jameson - Half-sister, mortal
Thomas Jameson - Half-brother, mortal
Melody Moretti - Best friend, daughter of Dionysus
[Dionysus only has one demigod kid. Bacchus has several kids but it's been made clear that Castor and Pollux were Dionysus' only demigod kids. Then Castor died.]
Jose Flores - Main antagonist, son(well, not really a son, it's seriously complicated) of Chaos
Shiori Tatagami - Friend of Willa, daughter(well, again not really daughter, it's complicated) of Chaos
[Chaos is a primordial being. He doesn't have a physical form or that much of a conscience. If you could explain, I don't care how complicated, just do it. I'm an 18-year-old philosophy minor. I've dealt with a lot complicated things. If I say it doesn't make sense, that it really doesn't make sense. If it does, then good job. If other's don't get it, I can help you make the explanation more understandable.]

Personality
Positive traits: Willa is a cheerful, energetic girl. She's one of the few Aphrodite kids who cares more about others than her appearance, resulting in well-earned respect from other campers, although she does her fair share of shopping and freaking out over clothes.
[THANK YOU]
She tries to break the typical Aphrodite stereotype of being shallow and self-centered by being kind and caring towards others and helping out as much as she can.
[Good.]
She doesn't want to be remembered as 'just another Aphrodite kid'. She wants to be remembered as kind and understanding, not one of those kids who stands around all day doing makeup. She's also quite curious.
[Okay, I'm pretty okay with this. Aphrodite cabin does have a bad reputation *glares at Riordan*]

Negative traits: Willa is an easily offended person. She doesn't take lightly to teasing due to being bullied throughout elementary school for her disabilities(dyslexia and ADHD). She cries easily, and can sometimes be defined as a crybaby. She's afraid of facing people bigger than her or stronger or in any way more skilled, and she lacks courage.
[Realistic. I like it.]

Fears/Phobias: Scotophobic(fear of the dark), fear of bees and other small insects(yes, spiders too), not afraid of but just really uncomfortable around gross things.
[Who wouldn't be uncomfortable around gross things?]

Fatal Flaw: Self-consciousness. This goes along with not wanting to be a stereotypical Aphrodite kids. She tries to change herself to fit the norm of other people's views, so practically none of them know the real her. She'll do almost anything to protect the reputation she has. (I know it's confusing... it is to me, too...)
[Makes sense given her background. And it's a unique fatal flaw. Good job.]

Combat-related questions
Camp: Camp Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: She's not as bad at sword fighting as some other Aphrodite kids, but is still plenty pitiful.
[Good that you acknowledge that.]
She prefers to fight with a simple celestial bronze knife, which she's mediocre at. Give her anything else and she's most likely to give someone a serious injury.
[This is new. A demigod not very good at using weapons. I'm piqued.]
Powers and Abilities: N/A
[Now my concern is that she's under-powered. Given how mediocre she is at fighting, I'd be okay if you gave her charmspeak or the succubus power-touchy thing that Bo from Lost Girl has.]
Backstory: Willa grew up in a strictly normal neighborhood.
[Don't say "strictly normal". 'Strictly' implies that it was imposed. You can omit 'strictly'.]
Nothing was out of the ordinary, except perhaps herself. She lived with her dad and a stepmom who both cared for her. She was intensely bullied in elementary school for her dyslexia and ADHD, and she would often come home in tears. She Came to camp like any other normal demigod-she became popular among the monsters, and got attacked.
[Uh... it's been pointed out that Aphrodite kids don't really have a strong aura.]
She eventually became a year-rounder at Camp by the time she was 12. At age 16 she went on(but did not lead) a quest to defeat the primordial god Chaos
[Chaos doesn't really give a crap about stuff. He just kind of floats around. Like I mentioned earlier, he doesn't have a physical form or a fully-formed conscience.]
with 3 other demigods, Shiori, Adam, and Melody. Upon arriving back at Camp once they realized that's where Chaos had infiltrating all along, full-scale war broke out amongst the forces of Chaos and the campers. Camp Half-Blood won, but at a cost. Willa had been severely injured, and died a couple of days later. (yeah, depressing, I know)
[You killed off your OC?!]

*Comments:*
Besides the iffy backstory (I'll not mention the kids because they're not the OCs I'm judging), and the whole slightly under-powered thing, the OCs okay. The fatal flaw was unique. Her personality is interesting but realistic. I'm letting the Chaos-fiasco in the backstory pass because I assume that you have a plot.

Final judgement: Elysium

Notes