The Original Character Court
Danny Piatek
Basics
Name: Danny Piatek
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Birthday: July 2, 1998
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Blue
[Pretty okay]
Other physical descriptions: Athletic, plays sports actively. Eats like Percy Jackson.
[I'd honestly prefer it if you described it differently but I guess this works too.]
Tattoo on his wrist that says "10/31" to remind him of the day he attempted suicide, and doesn't hide the tattoo.
[Go on...]
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 145 lbs
[Good ratio]
Sexual orientation: Closeted bisexual
[Oh dear. Interesting but, oh dear. The closet is stuffy, mate.]
Godly parent: Iapetus
[WAIT WHAT. When?! He was in Tartarus the whole time until The Demigod Files!]
Mortal parent: Eva Piatek, a nurse
Other relationships:
No siblings, hated at Camp Half-Blood due to his titan parentage.
[Obviously.]
But his mindset about the gods seems to have changed subconsciously
[Which was...?]
as his Dad's memory was wiped by Percy in The Demigod Files.
[So he was born prior to Demigod Files. I don't think Iapetus would have any demititan children. He never got out of Tartarus before TDF so he wouldn't have kids. If you give me a good, detailed background then maybe, just maybe, I'll accept this.]
Best friend is Myra Hale, a pure mortal whom he goes on a quest with. She is the perfect example of a high-energy character that is tempered by Danny's calm nature. But Myra also is jealous of him for his luck at being the son of an actual deity. His Mom is a doctor,
[Doctor or nurse?]
which is ironic, because Iapetus is the Titan of human mortality. One brings life, the other takes it away.
[Opposites attract]
Personality
Positive traits: On the outside, Danny is a real stand-up guy. He is on the Varsity Football team, gets good grades, always lends a helping hand whenever anyone asks for one. He hates when people pick on people who can't pick back at them, and has a determined "higher" personality, he never gives up. Overall, he is humble beyond belief, and he is the prototypical quiet "nice guy." He has a lot of spunky, turbocharged friends, and he provides the catatonic balance to their hyperactive energy.
[Ah, the cool guy a.k.a. the nice jock]
Negative traits: On the inside, however, Danny is quite introverted. He is only sociable when approached, and prefers to sit alone. He struggles with the ghosts of his past, and often gets too wrapped up in his own thoughts and emotions. Danny seems to live in his own world, and this leads to his acting almost too humble, like the body he is in is not his own. Thus, Danny takes a while to trust people emotionally.
[Could you elaborate on this? Do you mean that he hides his emotions unless you're close? Or that he doesn't tell people about his life, etc.,? Because there are people who have trust issues but wear their hearts on their sleeves.]
Seeing as he takes a while to trust, he often is combative towards those who he doesn't like.
[Naturally.]
He also, due to his insecurity about his sexuality and the negative reaction he received from his family due to his bisexuality, struggles with depression.
[Good cause, appropriate effect. This really is something that happens irl. I'm blessed to have a mom who doesn't care about who I want to do as long as I live up to her expectations. Still hate her, though. Moving on...]
Fears/Phobias:Ophidiophobic (Snakes)
Aranachnophobic (Spiders)
Claustrophobic (Tight Spaces)
Philophobia (Falling in Love)
[Backstory for the first three, please.]
Fatal Flaw: Fear of Abandonment--Part of the reason Danny doesn't get close to a lot of people is that he is afraid that they distrust him, afraid that they think of him as weird and "uncool". He doesn't give himself enough credit, leading to over-humility and feelings of self-doubt and ultimately a fear of abandonment.
[I don't think the fatal flaw is 'fear of abandonment'. The fear is a side-effect of the flaw which seems to be low self-esteem which can be dangerous for demigods.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: His biological dad, Iapetus, left him a Colt M1911A1 which he sneaked from his mother's cabinet, which he retrofits, making the main parts of it out of Stygian iron, and having it shoot Celestial Bronze bullets.
[How...? To everything. How? Like I said several times earlier, Iapetus was stuck in Tartarus. His weapon of choice is a spear. He wouldn't know about WWII weapons. Even if he did, he wouldn't have access to them. I used the gun you mentioned. Which parts did he convert to Stygian iron and why? Also, how's he able to get, much less, use Stygian iron?]
Other weapons: He ends up being trained on a standard Camp Half-Blood xiphoi, or short sword, but uses it in tandem with his pistol.
[Which on which hand? Also, re-loading would be a bitch and this kind of fighting style may look cool in movies but it takes a toll on accuracy.]
Powers and Abilities: His dad is the Titan of the West, and of human morality. Danny, being of a more peaceful manner, decides to take after his mother and become a healer at Camp, even though he's not an Apollo-child. But, his powers of mortality help him give life to those who are critically wounded and dying, but his powers sap a lot of strength.
[Makes sense. Not too overpowered.]
Backstory:
Danny grew up in Washington, DC, with his single mom, and considers that his hometown.
[Isn't that what a hometown is?]
However, he likes visiting his mom's hometown of Greenpoint, the Polish section of Brooklyn across the Williamsburg Bridge. His mom sent him to a boarding school outside of DC, and one year, he came back to discover that his mom had started dating again, with a guy named Blake Bannerman. Blake is a super-douche, an over-controlling Alpha type that needs to physically assert his dominance.
[Why'd she date him in the first place?]
Danny likes him just fine
[What? Why?]
until he comes home one summer and discovers that Blake has taken control of his mom's funds and is beating her. So, after a fight over a dinner, Blake starts beating his Mom again. Danny runs into their room and hits Blake with a bottle. He drops Blake off with a note at the Police Department, and drives off to the hospital to get his mom healed, even though he was fourteen at the time, therefore no license.
[So how did he know how to drive?]
After that day, his mom stops dating Blake, and things start to get better. This is when he hits his sophomore year, which is sexually transformative for Danny. He realizes his bisexuality, and comes out to his first boy crush. His boy crush has a friend, David, who is a super-homophobe and bullies and abuses Danny after that day. On Halloween of his Sophomore year, he tries to kill himself with a bottle of pain pills and a bottle of whiskey. He wakes up to his mother crying at the hospital, and she forces the ER coordinator to let her be the nurse that helps him live.
[That's not advisable. Family members as the attending physician/on-call nurse? Big no.]
After he "attempts," he becomes addicted to the pain medication, and always has a bottle on him. He even wears a necklace with a few pills inside just in case. That is his minor fatal flaw, his physical fatal flaw. He ends up meeting Myra after he attempts, and they hit it off as a yin-yang relationship. He is very ordered, organized, and calm. She is spunky, chaotic and energetic. They remain completely platonic as Danny meets his girlfriend, Lexi. They go strong until midway through his junior year, when she cheats on him and they break it off. After that, Myra and he start developing a more complex friendship, and they end up getting to Camp Half-Blood by accident.
[Please elaborate]
That's where the Fanatic Chronicles Podcast story starts.
Comments:
Look, mate, I'm going to be honest with you. There are a lot of things here that don't seem to fit into canon-verse. The backstory is pretty iffy. I didn't see the "negative reaction from his family". He only has his mom and like you said, no siblings. I saw the whole being bullied, thing, though. Lexi sounded irrelevant to the plot so I don't think mentioning her name was necessary. I do like how depression is mentioned and shown accurately, so props for that.
Your OC is actually fine just fix the backstory and parentage (or find a way to explain the parentage). I suggest changing Iapetus to either Selene (ofc that means changing the mom to a dad) or Helios since they're the ones closeset to Iapetus in terms of powers and abilities.
Final judgement: Fields of Asphodel
Name: Danny Piatek
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Birthday: July 2, 1998
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Blue
[Pretty okay]
Other physical descriptions: Athletic, plays sports actively. Eats like Percy Jackson.
[I'd honestly prefer it if you described it differently but I guess this works too.]
Tattoo on his wrist that says "10/31" to remind him of the day he attempted suicide, and doesn't hide the tattoo.
[Go on...]
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 145 lbs
[Good ratio]
Sexual orientation: Closeted bisexual
[Oh dear. Interesting but, oh dear. The closet is stuffy, mate.]
Godly parent: Iapetus
[WAIT WHAT. When?! He was in Tartarus the whole time until The Demigod Files!]
Mortal parent: Eva Piatek, a nurse
Other relationships:
No siblings, hated at Camp Half-Blood due to his titan parentage.
[Obviously.]
But his mindset about the gods seems to have changed subconsciously
[Which was...?]
as his Dad's memory was wiped by Percy in The Demigod Files.
[So he was born prior to Demigod Files. I don't think Iapetus would have any demititan children. He never got out of Tartarus before TDF so he wouldn't have kids. If you give me a good, detailed background then maybe, just maybe, I'll accept this.]
Best friend is Myra Hale, a pure mortal whom he goes on a quest with. She is the perfect example of a high-energy character that is tempered by Danny's calm nature. But Myra also is jealous of him for his luck at being the son of an actual deity. His Mom is a doctor,
[Doctor or nurse?]
which is ironic, because Iapetus is the Titan of human mortality. One brings life, the other takes it away.
[Opposites attract]
Personality
Positive traits: On the outside, Danny is a real stand-up guy. He is on the Varsity Football team, gets good grades, always lends a helping hand whenever anyone asks for one. He hates when people pick on people who can't pick back at them, and has a determined "higher" personality, he never gives up. Overall, he is humble beyond belief, and he is the prototypical quiet "nice guy." He has a lot of spunky, turbocharged friends, and he provides the catatonic balance to their hyperactive energy.
[Ah, the cool guy a.k.a. the nice jock]
Negative traits: On the inside, however, Danny is quite introverted. He is only sociable when approached, and prefers to sit alone. He struggles with the ghosts of his past, and often gets too wrapped up in his own thoughts and emotions. Danny seems to live in his own world, and this leads to his acting almost too humble, like the body he is in is not his own. Thus, Danny takes a while to trust people emotionally.
[Could you elaborate on this? Do you mean that he hides his emotions unless you're close? Or that he doesn't tell people about his life, etc.,? Because there are people who have trust issues but wear their hearts on their sleeves.]
Seeing as he takes a while to trust, he often is combative towards those who he doesn't like.
[Naturally.]
He also, due to his insecurity about his sexuality and the negative reaction he received from his family due to his bisexuality, struggles with depression.
[Good cause, appropriate effect. This really is something that happens irl. I'm blessed to have a mom who doesn't care about who I want to do as long as I live up to her expectations. Still hate her, though. Moving on...]
Fears/Phobias:Ophidiophobic (Snakes)
Aranachnophobic (Spiders)
Claustrophobic (Tight Spaces)
Philophobia (Falling in Love)
[Backstory for the first three, please.]
Fatal Flaw: Fear of Abandonment--Part of the reason Danny doesn't get close to a lot of people is that he is afraid that they distrust him, afraid that they think of him as weird and "uncool". He doesn't give himself enough credit, leading to over-humility and feelings of self-doubt and ultimately a fear of abandonment.
[I don't think the fatal flaw is 'fear of abandonment'. The fear is a side-effect of the flaw which seems to be low self-esteem which can be dangerous for demigods.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: His biological dad, Iapetus, left him a Colt M1911A1 which he sneaked from his mother's cabinet, which he retrofits, making the main parts of it out of Stygian iron, and having it shoot Celestial Bronze bullets.
[How...? To everything. How? Like I said several times earlier, Iapetus was stuck in Tartarus. His weapon of choice is a spear. He wouldn't know about WWII weapons. Even if he did, he wouldn't have access to them. I used the gun you mentioned. Which parts did he convert to Stygian iron and why? Also, how's he able to get, much less, use Stygian iron?]
Other weapons: He ends up being trained on a standard Camp Half-Blood xiphoi, or short sword, but uses it in tandem with his pistol.
[Which on which hand? Also, re-loading would be a bitch and this kind of fighting style may look cool in movies but it takes a toll on accuracy.]
Powers and Abilities: His dad is the Titan of the West, and of human morality. Danny, being of a more peaceful manner, decides to take after his mother and become a healer at Camp, even though he's not an Apollo-child. But, his powers of mortality help him give life to those who are critically wounded and dying, but his powers sap a lot of strength.
[Makes sense. Not too overpowered.]
Backstory:
Danny grew up in Washington, DC, with his single mom, and considers that his hometown.
[Isn't that what a hometown is?]
However, he likes visiting his mom's hometown of Greenpoint, the Polish section of Brooklyn across the Williamsburg Bridge. His mom sent him to a boarding school outside of DC, and one year, he came back to discover that his mom had started dating again, with a guy named Blake Bannerman. Blake is a super-douche, an over-controlling Alpha type that needs to physically assert his dominance.
[Why'd she date him in the first place?]
Danny likes him just fine
[What? Why?]
until he comes home one summer and discovers that Blake has taken control of his mom's funds and is beating her. So, after a fight over a dinner, Blake starts beating his Mom again. Danny runs into their room and hits Blake with a bottle. He drops Blake off with a note at the Police Department, and drives off to the hospital to get his mom healed, even though he was fourteen at the time, therefore no license.
[So how did he know how to drive?]
After that day, his mom stops dating Blake, and things start to get better. This is when he hits his sophomore year, which is sexually transformative for Danny. He realizes his bisexuality, and comes out to his first boy crush. His boy crush has a friend, David, who is a super-homophobe and bullies and abuses Danny after that day. On Halloween of his Sophomore year, he tries to kill himself with a bottle of pain pills and a bottle of whiskey. He wakes up to his mother crying at the hospital, and she forces the ER coordinator to let her be the nurse that helps him live.
[That's not advisable. Family members as the attending physician/on-call nurse? Big no.]
After he "attempts," he becomes addicted to the pain medication, and always has a bottle on him. He even wears a necklace with a few pills inside just in case. That is his minor fatal flaw, his physical fatal flaw. He ends up meeting Myra after he attempts, and they hit it off as a yin-yang relationship. He is very ordered, organized, and calm. She is spunky, chaotic and energetic. They remain completely platonic as Danny meets his girlfriend, Lexi. They go strong until midway through his junior year, when she cheats on him and they break it off. After that, Myra and he start developing a more complex friendship, and they end up getting to Camp Half-Blood by accident.
[Please elaborate]
That's where the Fanatic Chronicles Podcast story starts.
Comments:
Look, mate, I'm going to be honest with you. There are a lot of things here that don't seem to fit into canon-verse. The backstory is pretty iffy. I didn't see the "negative reaction from his family". He only has his mom and like you said, no siblings. I saw the whole being bullied, thing, though. Lexi sounded irrelevant to the plot so I don't think mentioning her name was necessary. I do like how depression is mentioned and shown accurately, so props for that.
Your OC is actually fine just fix the backstory and parentage (or find a way to explain the parentage). I suggest changing Iapetus to either Selene (ofc that means changing the mom to a dad) or Helios since they're the ones closeset to Iapetus in terms of powers and abilities.
Final judgement: Fields of Asphodel
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16