The Original Character Court
Tabetha Jane Jones
Submitted by: Claire Winter
BASICS
Name: Tabetha Jane Jones
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Birthday: December 18th
Ethnicity: Maidu (Native American)
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Technically hazel, but seems a bit more golden-coloured than other shades of hazel.
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 138 lbs
[Healthy ratio, looks good to me.]
Other physical descriptions: Tabetha has been fairly lucky, so she has little scars. (Because her godly parent is highly minor, and... yeah.) However, there is one long scar on her back from when she fought in the Second Giant War at age 14. That came from a particularly nasty hellhound. Her build is fairly thin, with not much physical strength.
[Anything else we should know about her? How long are her hair? What shape are her eyes? What color is her skin? What's her body shape? Details like this also matter, since we've no picture that represent your character. We're left with our imagination and with what you give us.]
Sexual orientation: Asexual/Heteroromantic.
PERSONALITY
Positive traits: Tabetha is, by nature, a very calm person. She isn't aggravated easily, and can keep her cool in high-stress situations. Tabetha's intelligent, and knows how to use that intelligence to her advantage. She's got a way with words, knowing how to twist people's thoughts to her advantage. Tabetha is also a major pacifist. She doesn't like to fight, and will almost always use words first before fighting. Given that she first refused to learn how to sword-fight, only relenting when she realized it could get her killed if she didn't learn, it's not hard to see her this way. Going on, Tabetha is normally a kind-hearted person. She genuinely tries to see the good in everyone, even and especially her enemies. She is very merciful, but it can often be too much(see Fatal Flaw). Tabetha also has a very strong moral compass.
Negative traits: Despite abhorring violence and war, Tabetha is not above killing people when it's needed. When provoked enough, Tabetha is prone to a brooding rage like none other. She does try to hold this back, -- you could see in Positive Traits she can keep her cool.
[That's... kinda contradictory. The major idea behind pacifism is to oppose violence and war. A pacifist, like any other person, may snap, sure, but not to a point of violence. Their words are their weapons, and they would much rather verbally talk smack about you rather than raise their fist against you, not to mention killing. Plus, she wouldn't even think of fighting in both wars -- her beliefs would stop her. She would stay at Camp at both occasions.]
Other Personality traits: N/A
Fears/Phobias: Philophobia. Due to occurrences in her past, Tabetha is extremely afraid of falling in love, and by extension, of losing the people she loves.
[I hope those occurrences are explained below. Also, again, is this all? As I mentioned in your previous judgment, people generally don't have just one fear or phobia. Take me, for example: my major phobia is definitely arachnophobia (I get paralyzed when I see a spider...), but besides that I don't like frogs, the feeling of falling, I get nervous around dogs, plus dozens of smaller pet peeves, some of which make me feel uncomfortable.]
Fatal Flaw: Mercy. This doesn't sound like a fatal flaw at first, but it is. Tabetha grants mercy too hurriedly, hoping that people will see the error in their ways. it's not that she sees good where there is none, it's that her amount of hope that they'll see their good is far above the chances that it will actually happen. She doesn't like to kill people, as mentioned in Positive Traits. She dislikes it so much that she'll induce false hope in herself, just to convince herself that she doesn't need to kill.
[This is actually very well-done. It is just as Athena said... (or, was it Annabeth? I can't remember) the most dangerous flaws are those which are supposedly good. I accept being too merciful as a flaw that might lead to the hero's demise. Good job!]
FAMILY AND BACKGROUND
Godly Parent: Eirene, minor goddess of peace
Mortal Parent: Lawrence Jones
Other relationships:
Family
- Lawrence Jones -- Biological father. Mortal. Tabetha and her father would get along very well. When Tabetha was small, her father served in the army. She would see him often, but not as often as she would have liked. You can imagine how devastated she was to learn that her father had been killed in battle.
- Eirene -- Biological mother, goddess of peace and of the season of spring. Eirene is one of those minor goddesses that is almost never mentioned in myths. her only child as of late is Tabetha, and as her duties as a goddess are minor, she has lots of time to visit Tabetha. She spends more time with her daughter than other deities, leading to a respectable relationship between the two.
[Although I appreciate using a minor goddess, her visiting Tabetha often is not really that simple; actually, I believe that keeping peace between mortals and gods alike is a pretty demanding job (especially after the Giant War and the whole Rome-Greece turmoil). Plus, she's also governing spring, so for at least three months she must be quite busy. So, yeah, although she can pay a little more attention to her daughter, I doubt it would be as much as you made it look.]
Friends
- Simon Parker- Half-blood son of Apollo, age 19. They originally became friends through a trip Tabetha took to the infirmary, involving Tabetha foolishly venturing into the forest surrounding Camp Half-Blood without any weapons when she was 16. Tabetha only survived due to Simon's vitakinetic powers. Tabetha owes him her life. Their relationship grew after that. They both feel that they could be something more than friends, but as mentioned in Fears, Tabetha is philophobic. (See Backstory and Thomas Gill.)
- Thomas Gill- Former boyfriend of Tabetha, son of Nemesis. Deceased. He and Tabetha got together when he was fourteen and Tabetha was thirteen. He was fifteen when he died in the Second Giant War. He and Tabetha were really close, and it left Tabetha emotionally scarred. She was utterly devastated.
[Yes, after experiencing something like that (especially during puberty), I can see her being afraid of loosing somebody important, but falling in love in general? To a point of phobia? Now that's a bit of stretch, don't you think?]
Backstory: Tabetha grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania, but unfortunately her father served in the army, so she spent most of her days supervised by a nanny, who changed frequently.
[One day she was a pigeon, the other a Taiwanese belly dancer... Sorry for the snark, the point I'm making is that's a wrong sentence construction.]
She may have had as many as ten nannies during her childhood. They stayed anywhere from two months to a year. The few times her father visited, she would always ask him about her mother. All he told her was that her mother left when she was very little, and he didn't know when she would be coming back. When Tabetha was six, she received the devastating news that her father had been killed in battle. This increased her already prominent hatred for war(as it is a hereditary trait from her mother).
[I may be underestimating children, but would a six-year-old understand a concept of death that well?
Tabetha was soon sent to an orphanage, where she spent a couple of nights sleepless and crying. Her mother, Eirene, simply couldn't leave her own child to grow up an orphan, so on the third night in the orphanage, Eirene visited Tabetha. She told her that she was her mother, and explained about Tabetha's Greek heritage. She took Tabetha to Camp Half-Blood, because she couldn't bear her child having to grow up in the orphanage,
[You're stepping into redundancy here... Eirene couldn't leave Tabetha as an orphan, so she took her away because she couldn't bear her child having to grow up in the orphanage... Also, orphanage is such a cliche, I really don't want to sin you for that. Another thing, where was her Satyr protector at that time?]
and she wanted her to be raised by people who would care about her. At age thirteen, Tabetha fought in the Second Titan war. nearly right after that war, she and a boy named Thomas Gill got together. They were very close, but in the Second Giant War, Thomas died, leaving Tabetha emotionally scarred. Now at age nineteen, Tabetha is the person who has been at Camp the longest, besides Annabeth.
[My calculations say that she's only a year shorter than Annabeth... Which is still thirteen years, mind you. Was it really necessary for her to be there for that long? Simple rule of Chekov: If it's not relevant, don't do it.]
COMBAT-RELATED QUESTIONS
Camp: Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: Tabetha owns a simple, well-balanced Celestial Bronze sword she obtained from the weapons shack. However, she doesn't carry it around with her. In fact, she refrains from carrying it whenever she can. Sometimes even in situations when she should more than likely take it with her. She's not the best at fighting with her sword, but good with it nonetheless. Average, in simpler terms.
[A pacifist that has no desire to learn swordplay is average with a sword? I'm not convinced.]
Other weapons: N/A
Powers and Abilities: No godly powers to speak of. However, her way with words and quick wit could be counted as an ability, so to speak.
[I agree with that.]
COMMENTS
This is your second submission, and I can see that you definitely are able to make balanced characters in terms of powers and appearance. Personality-wise they're also very good (except some minor twitches), but I'm starting to notice a pattern here: your backstories need polishing. I understand that you might want to keep them brief, for the sake of the review, but they open many plotholes and ambiguity which makes the overall profile look unprofessional. Regardless, and I think that Cheshire will agree with me, this is a very good character and I believe she deserves...
FINAL JUDGMENT: Elysium
BASICS
Name: Tabetha Jane Jones
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Birthday: December 18th
Ethnicity: Maidu (Native American)
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Technically hazel, but seems a bit more golden-coloured than other shades of hazel.
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 138 lbs
[Healthy ratio, looks good to me.]
Other physical descriptions: Tabetha has been fairly lucky, so she has little scars. (Because her godly parent is highly minor, and... yeah.) However, there is one long scar on her back from when she fought in the Second Giant War at age 14. That came from a particularly nasty hellhound. Her build is fairly thin, with not much physical strength.
[Anything else we should know about her? How long are her hair? What shape are her eyes? What color is her skin? What's her body shape? Details like this also matter, since we've no picture that represent your character. We're left with our imagination and with what you give us.]
Sexual orientation: Asexual/Heteroromantic.
PERSONALITY
Positive traits: Tabetha is, by nature, a very calm person. She isn't aggravated easily, and can keep her cool in high-stress situations. Tabetha's intelligent, and knows how to use that intelligence to her advantage. She's got a way with words, knowing how to twist people's thoughts to her advantage. Tabetha is also a major pacifist. She doesn't like to fight, and will almost always use words first before fighting. Given that she first refused to learn how to sword-fight, only relenting when she realized it could get her killed if she didn't learn, it's not hard to see her this way. Going on, Tabetha is normally a kind-hearted person. She genuinely tries to see the good in everyone, even and especially her enemies. She is very merciful, but it can often be too much(see Fatal Flaw). Tabetha also has a very strong moral compass.
Negative traits: Despite abhorring violence and war, Tabetha is not above killing people when it's needed. When provoked enough, Tabetha is prone to a brooding rage like none other. She does try to hold this back, -- you could see in Positive Traits she can keep her cool.
[That's... kinda contradictory. The major idea behind pacifism is to oppose violence and war. A pacifist, like any other person, may snap, sure, but not to a point of violence. Their words are their weapons, and they would much rather verbally talk smack about you rather than raise their fist against you, not to mention killing. Plus, she wouldn't even think of fighting in both wars -- her beliefs would stop her. She would stay at Camp at both occasions.]
Other Personality traits: N/A
Fears/Phobias: Philophobia. Due to occurrences in her past, Tabetha is extremely afraid of falling in love, and by extension, of losing the people she loves.
[I hope those occurrences are explained below. Also, again, is this all? As I mentioned in your previous judgment, people generally don't have just one fear or phobia. Take me, for example: my major phobia is definitely arachnophobia (I get paralyzed when I see a spider...), but besides that I don't like frogs, the feeling of falling, I get nervous around dogs, plus dozens of smaller pet peeves, some of which make me feel uncomfortable.]
Fatal Flaw: Mercy. This doesn't sound like a fatal flaw at first, but it is. Tabetha grants mercy too hurriedly, hoping that people will see the error in their ways. it's not that she sees good where there is none, it's that her amount of hope that they'll see their good is far above the chances that it will actually happen. She doesn't like to kill people, as mentioned in Positive Traits. She dislikes it so much that she'll induce false hope in herself, just to convince herself that she doesn't need to kill.
[This is actually very well-done. It is just as Athena said... (or, was it Annabeth? I can't remember) the most dangerous flaws are those which are supposedly good. I accept being too merciful as a flaw that might lead to the hero's demise. Good job!]
FAMILY AND BACKGROUND
Godly Parent: Eirene, minor goddess of peace
Mortal Parent: Lawrence Jones
Other relationships:
Family
- Lawrence Jones -- Biological father. Mortal. Tabetha and her father would get along very well. When Tabetha was small, her father served in the army. She would see him often, but not as often as she would have liked. You can imagine how devastated she was to learn that her father had been killed in battle.
- Eirene -- Biological mother, goddess of peace and of the season of spring. Eirene is one of those minor goddesses that is almost never mentioned in myths. her only child as of late is Tabetha, and as her duties as a goddess are minor, she has lots of time to visit Tabetha. She spends more time with her daughter than other deities, leading to a respectable relationship between the two.
[Although I appreciate using a minor goddess, her visiting Tabetha often is not really that simple; actually, I believe that keeping peace between mortals and gods alike is a pretty demanding job (especially after the Giant War and the whole Rome-Greece turmoil). Plus, she's also governing spring, so for at least three months she must be quite busy. So, yeah, although she can pay a little more attention to her daughter, I doubt it would be as much as you made it look.]
Friends
- Simon Parker- Half-blood son of Apollo, age 19. They originally became friends through a trip Tabetha took to the infirmary, involving Tabetha foolishly venturing into the forest surrounding Camp Half-Blood without any weapons when she was 16. Tabetha only survived due to Simon's vitakinetic powers. Tabetha owes him her life. Their relationship grew after that. They both feel that they could be something more than friends, but as mentioned in Fears, Tabetha is philophobic. (See Backstory and Thomas Gill.)
- Thomas Gill- Former boyfriend of Tabetha, son of Nemesis. Deceased. He and Tabetha got together when he was fourteen and Tabetha was thirteen. He was fifteen when he died in the Second Giant War. He and Tabetha were really close, and it left Tabetha emotionally scarred. She was utterly devastated.
[Yes, after experiencing something like that (especially during puberty), I can see her being afraid of loosing somebody important, but falling in love in general? To a point of phobia? Now that's a bit of stretch, don't you think?]
Backstory: Tabetha grew up in a small town in Pennsylvania, but unfortunately her father served in the army, so she spent most of her days supervised by a nanny, who changed frequently.
[One day she was a pigeon, the other a Taiwanese belly dancer... Sorry for the snark, the point I'm making is that's a wrong sentence construction.]
She may have had as many as ten nannies during her childhood. They stayed anywhere from two months to a year. The few times her father visited, she would always ask him about her mother. All he told her was that her mother left when she was very little, and he didn't know when she would be coming back. When Tabetha was six, she received the devastating news that her father had been killed in battle. This increased her already prominent hatred for war(as it is a hereditary trait from her mother).
[I may be underestimating children, but would a six-year-old understand a concept of death that well?
Tabetha was soon sent to an orphanage, where she spent a couple of nights sleepless and crying. Her mother, Eirene, simply couldn't leave her own child to grow up an orphan, so on the third night in the orphanage, Eirene visited Tabetha. She told her that she was her mother, and explained about Tabetha's Greek heritage. She took Tabetha to Camp Half-Blood, because she couldn't bear her child having to grow up in the orphanage,
[You're stepping into redundancy here... Eirene couldn't leave Tabetha as an orphan, so she took her away because she couldn't bear her child having to grow up in the orphanage... Also, orphanage is such a cliche, I really don't want to sin you for that. Another thing, where was her Satyr protector at that time?]
and she wanted her to be raised by people who would care about her. At age thirteen, Tabetha fought in the Second Titan war. nearly right after that war, she and a boy named Thomas Gill got together. They were very close, but in the Second Giant War, Thomas died, leaving Tabetha emotionally scarred. Now at age nineteen, Tabetha is the person who has been at Camp the longest, besides Annabeth.
[My calculations say that she's only a year shorter than Annabeth... Which is still thirteen years, mind you. Was it really necessary for her to be there for that long? Simple rule of Chekov: If it's not relevant, don't do it.]
COMBAT-RELATED QUESTIONS
Camp: Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: Tabetha owns a simple, well-balanced Celestial Bronze sword she obtained from the weapons shack. However, she doesn't carry it around with her. In fact, she refrains from carrying it whenever she can. Sometimes even in situations when she should more than likely take it with her. She's not the best at fighting with her sword, but good with it nonetheless. Average, in simpler terms.
[A pacifist that has no desire to learn swordplay is average with a sword? I'm not convinced.]
Other weapons: N/A
Powers and Abilities: No godly powers to speak of. However, her way with words and quick wit could be counted as an ability, so to speak.
[I agree with that.]
COMMENTS
This is your second submission, and I can see that you definitely are able to make balanced characters in terms of powers and appearance. Personality-wise they're also very good (except some minor twitches), but I'm starting to notice a pattern here: your backstories need polishing. I understand that you might want to keep them brief, for the sake of the review, but they open many plotholes and ambiguity which makes the overall profile look unprofessional. Regardless, and I think that Cheshire will agree with me, this is a very good character and I believe she deserves...
FINAL JUDGMENT: Elysium
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16