The Original Character Court

This one's... tricky. Mostly because I have judged it already on my currently semi-active Tumblr, the Hall of Judgment. Oh well, we'll see if I still agree with myself after all that time.

Submitted by: [John Doe]
OC belongs to: Fenrir_Glacies

BASICS
Name: Selene Lia A. Rivera [Any particular reason we don't know what 'A' stands for?]
Age: 15 (turns 16 somewhere in the story)
Gender: Female
Birthday: [Umm... Houston, we have a blank space here.]
Ethnicity: Filipino
Hair color: Jet black
Eye color: Sea green
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 127 lbs
[Okay, I take back my previous judgment - this is a healthy ratio.]
Other physical descriptions: [S]he has a small scar above her left eyebrow. She is quite tall (a head shorter than Jason), physically fit, and athletic.

[Hmm... now you had me pondering over the characters' heights. We know Annabeth is 5'9", Percy is taller than her and he is an inch shorter than Jason.]

She would usual wear a green jacket, black cargo pants, combat boots, and of course, her Camp Jupiter shirt. She's lean muscular because she works out a lot. Her work-out consists of the salmon ladder, box jumps, push-ups, leg raises, crunches, among others. She makes it a point to stay physical fit since her (rather her former) job in Camp requires her to be able to move around for a long time. (I'll explain this in the backstory)

[Everything seems fine to me here. And also if she had no job, the Legion training would grant her this build, I'm pretty sure.]

Sexual orientation: Bisexual [Hello, representation! It's so nice to see you!]

PERSONALITY
Positive traits: Selene likes planning beforehand. Sometimes, she has wild, strange but effective ideas. She’s kind of rough around the edges. She’s not a 100% loner in the sense that she’s okay with hanging out with people, but most times she’d rather be alone. She's hardworking and cunning because she has a constant need to prove herself in Camp (this will be explained later on). She's also a very loyal Roman.

[Oooh, a Roman? That's nice too see :)]

Negative traits: She can be brash and abrasive with people she just met. At first glance, most people would think she’s an asshole. She can’t stand questions she finds stupid especially if she thinks the answer is obvious. Selene can have a short fuse sometimes but she usually just gets back at people in more discrete ways (like how she would often prank Octavian). Selene is stubborn and persistent. There’s a point in the story where Jason and Reyna confront Selene about something she did and the daughter of Neptune adamantly insisted that she was doing what was necessary. Sometimes, she thinks that she’s not good enough. After constantly being made fun of and questioned and ridiculed (because kids of Neptune weren’t respected in Rome), you would have a tendency to start believing what your tormentors say. That’s what happened to Selene.

[Allow me to reach back into my previous blog... *Ekhm*:

That’s true, actually, but here’s the thing; although people of New Rome does not have respect for Neptune, would they really plainly bully and torment his children, just because? I mean, sure, a few of them might, because they feel superior (e.g., children of Mars, Rome’s favourite god), but I don’t think Selene would have bullies everywhere she goes, to the point of calling it "constantly".]

Other Personality traits: N/A
Fears/Phobias: She’s not afraid of death but she is definitely afraid of failure. She constantly had to prove herself and one mistake, no matter how petty, could cost her.

[If she's NOT afraid of death, why even mention it in this section? Nobody asked if she is. The question is, what is she afraid of. Also, her major phobia may be afraid of failure, sure, but I'm sure there must be more of that. Nobody has only one fear.]

Fatal Flaw: Her fatal flaw is kind of similar to Percy’s. She prioritizes the people she cares about or if they are important to her loved ones. She doesn’t like dumping anything on other people and she’d rather do things by herself.

[Bad idea. Copying canon character's flaw is a bad idea, even if you describe it as "similar". And you obviously shown to be creative; I'm sure you can think of a decent flaw. As I mentioned in my previous judgment, I would switch the places of her phobias and Fatal Flaw. Inability to handle failure is definitely more lethal, since it can lead to some nasty consequences in the future.]

FAMILY AND BACKGROUND
Godly Parent: Neptune
[You know my opinion on the Big Three children; as long as they're done well, and their origins is plausible, I'll allow it. We'll have to wait and see.]
Mortal Parent: Alessandra Rivera
Other relationships:
Jason Grace: Jason and Selene are quite close. Selene has known Jason every since she arrived at Camp Jupiter. They didn’t get along at first because Selene accidentally spilled and froze her water when it landed on him. They became friends because Jason defended Selene against a camper from the 1st Cohort. She, Jason, and Reyna are usually together but when it comes to battle, she’s more likely to be alone, apart from the Legion supporting the other legionnaires. However, she and Jason can coordinate very well. The two have a habit of calling each other “Air Head” (Jason) and “Kelp Face” (Selene).

Reyna Arellano: The two girls have a sibling-like relationship. They often spar with one another. They bicker and challenge each other. Selene was one of the campers on duty when Reyna arrived at Camp Jupiter. Reyna was upset when Selene was forced to leave Camp but she had to stay firm and prioritize her duties. Just like Jason and Selene, the two have pet names for one another: “Icicle” (Selene) and “Queenie” (Reyna)

[BEEP! Nope! As I mentioned before... does Reyna seem like nickname-type person for you? Because to me she's not only not good at nicknames, but also doesn't seem like she would make friends easily. Also, I'm so sorry, but those nicknames are... ughh.]

Selene was one of the first people to approach Reyna when the latter arrived at Camp. It took a while for Selene to gain her trust.

[Now, allow me to copy my line of reasoning from the Hall of Judgment:

"By 2010 (The Son of Neptune), Reyna already has four stripes on her Roman tattoo. This means she has joined Camp Jupiter ca. 2006/2007 (we’ve never been given the precise time for The Sea of Monsters). Also, in 2010, Reyna states six years ago, she and Hylla were both still living in Old San Juan; when they escaped in 2004, they were living two years on Circe’s Island.

Now then… Jason Grace was born in 1994. He was left at the Wolf House when he was about two years old, in 1996. He joined the Legion quite soon (In The Lost Hero, his tattoo has twelve stripes), in 1997."

RELEASE MATHEMATICS!

Since we have no birth date for Selene, this data is incomplete unfortunately, but I've allowed myself to glance at the backstory. Selene's story happens around the time Jason disappears - October, 2009. If she's 15 at that point, it means she was born in 1994; luckily for us, she barely avoids being the subject of the Great Prophecy, so you're good on this one. Since she's been 11 years in the Legion, she joined ca. 1998... One year after Jason - she can't know him since he arrived. It would work the other way around.]

Thalia Grace: Selene and Thalia are in relatively good terms. However, the two didn’t know that the other had some sort of affiliation to Jason Grace. They don’t argue as much as Percy and Thalia did, rather, it’s almost as if they understand where the other is coming from. They met during one of Selene’s quests when she and the Hunters of Artemis encountered Hyperborean giants (it was a chance meeting).

[As much as I can believe in chance meeting, and that the Hunters would be somewhere up North... so far I'm seeing Selene only having friends. Friends, who are canon characters nonetheless. This is slowly starting to go the bad path.]

Percy Jackson: Percy and Selene have never met. [Phew.] The two siblings are quite opposite when it comes to work habits: Percy is rebellious while Selene is quite a prefect (but she has a habit of using loopholes to her advantage so she technically doesn’t break rules); Percy tends to be laid-back while Selene does not like slacking around. Percy is brash and tends to do the first thing he thinks of but Selene prefers having a laid-out plan before doing anything. Percy is the type of person who gives of an aura of power and authority. Selene, on the other hand, is more of a “behind-the scenes” gal. She gives off a “second-in-command” kind of vibe. They also have some similarities: both are very brave; they’re very sarcastic; both have a tendency to be short-tempered; they feel responsible for everyone.

[But... if they didn't really meet, why bother and putting this in the 'Relationships' section?]

Backstory:
(I'm copying-and-pasting stuff from submissions in judgmentpavilion along with some stuff I asked the author.)

[Oh, judgmentpavilion, now that brings me back... The best PJO reviewing blog there ever was.]

Selene’s mother brought her to Lupa because although she had the inheritance from her grandmother, she still felt like she didn’t have enough to support her daughter.

[But that's... not really the point of bringing Roman demigods to the Wolf House, is it? The point is to raise demigods and model them into strong warriors. Parents don't give away their children to Lupa just because they can't raise them - especially since you mentioned Selene's mother having the means.]

Her mother was studying to be a Limnologist which was when she met Neptune and had Selene. Her parents disowned her shortly after finding out about her pregnancy. The OC arrived in Camp Jupiter when she was four.

[Oh, you've done your maths. Not bad.]

She and Jason didn’t get along at first but they eventually became best friends because they were both the kids of the Big Three.

[See, at this point I'm starting to think that if that was the case, the entire plot of The Son of Neptune would have no reason to exist. Remember the entire Legion's surprise when Juno announced Percy being the sea spawn? Unless in your version The Son of Neptune storyline never happened... which means you need something to replace it with.]

When Reyna arrived, Selene was one of the first to approach her and they got along quite well (in her story, Reyna was placed in the Fourth Cohort). [Might as well be, we've never learned where she was.] Because of some quest, Diana becomes Selene’s patron. (Here’s the author’s explanation for that (copy-and-pasted from the story): ‘Wait, aren’t those for Hunters of Artemis?’ Several people asked me that question but everyone seems to forget that there are some mortals that Artemis/Diana favors who do not become part of her Hunters. For instance, there was the girl named Procris. She was favored by Diana yet she was allowed to marry. She was even given a javelin, which I used to own, to attract her husband. No, I did not receive the javelin to attract anybody (why does everyone assume that?) I was given the javelin because I did Diana a favor by saving Laelaps, the dog destined to catch everything it chased. Some rogue demigod from Saturn’s army captured Laelaps to set him upon the Teumessian fox. Unfortunately, that fox was fated to never be captured. Destined to catch everything versus fated to never be captured. How contradictory. Apparently, it wouldn’t be the first time those two would be put up against each other. Jupiter turned them into stone several millennia ago. Diana didn’t want that to happen again so I beat that demigod, Anthony, in a duel (bragging aside, it wasn’t hard. He focused too much on defending his left side, he completely ignored his right.) So when did I receive the bow? Eh, that’s a story for another time.) At some point before the story, Reyna promotes Selene to the position of “Praefectus Castrorum” or the Camp Prefect. (According to the author, “That position actually existed in the Roman military.”)

[It did, no problem here.]

Prefects are the ones in charge of overseeing the construction of camps. Like, for example, if the Legion is marching towards somewhere and needs to stop at another place for a while, the Camp Prefect makes sure that the construction is done properly and at a good location. The Camp Prefect’s also the one who tells when it’s best to break camp. During battles, the Camp Prefect has to be able to properly predict the amount of which equipment is needed. The Camp Prefect is also the one who takes command of the medics, the rangers (or the ones who survey an area). I haven’t showed the position’s obligations during the story since my character leaves early on but I’m writing a series of one-shots that happened prior to the main story. I’m limiting her duties to the Equipment Manager, Construction Manager, and the Rangers’ Platoon Leader (or something along those lines). At another quest (also before the story), Selene meets Thalia when the former was stealing a chest of weapons from a Hyperborean cave. After the Titan War, Selene and Jason are scouting around. Selene suddenly collapses unconscious and Jason disappears. When she returns to Camp Jupiter, Octavian accuses her of plotting against Jason. Selene gets put in a “holding cell” (basically, jail) for three months while a trial is being held. The senators eventually decide to strip her of her rank, banish her from Camp Jupiter and declare her position as “void”. And that’s where the story really kicks-off.

[Whoa boy, now that was a wall to read through. Okay then, couple of observations:
- The position of Camp Prefect in actual Roman military was basically that of Chief Engineer, which by itself is a pretty solid position to write stories about.
- There is no need for this whole Octavian plot and banishment. It gives unnecessary drama and puts your character in the spotlight that could quickly turn her into a Sue.
- I appreciate using a lesser known myth of Procris, but it seems you're missing one detail: in the version I know, Procris ran away from home and wound up with the nymphs of Artemis (which are technically her Hunters in Riordan-verse) and ended up serving the goddess, before being released from her service and granted the gifts. Although... wouldn't giving her the mythological weapon be a bit overkill? Even Thalia has a copy of Aegis, not the actual shield.]

Random facts about the OC (taken from her blog) MBTI: So I took the test in Selene’s POV and she ended up as an INTJ, like me. Albeit, we have different percentages (I had a 46% preference of intuition over sensing. She has 38%; Me: 60% preference of judging over perceiving, She has 56%, etc.,) I actually thought she’d be an INFJ or smth. Enneagram: Like MBTI, I took the test in Selene’s POV and ended up as Type 2. In case you’re wondering, I’m Type 8. I’m not as selfless as Selene.

[I... honestly don't care about any of this. Your story tells me more about Selene more than any chart and psychological test.]

COMBAT-RELATED QUESTIONS
Camp: Jupiter
Number of years/Cohort: 11, Fifth
Weapon of choice: Labina Nivs - Name means “Avalanche”. The sword and shield given to her by Neptune. The shield also serves as the sword’s sheath.

[Main point of concern - why did she received those weapons from Neptune himself? Any reason, or dear ol' daddy simply decided to reward his child. Remember, Percy didn't get Riptide from Poseidon.]

Other weapons: A compound bow and a quiver of arrows - Given to her by Diana on her first solo quest. The goddess took pity on her because she didn’t know how to hunt yet she was still chosen to take down a rogue centaur. Procris’ javelin - The javelin that never misses. Given as a reward for saving Laelaps and the Teumessian fox. Returned to Diana after three months.

[Okay, at least she didn't keep the mythological weapon. Still, three months with a weapon that cannot miss is pretty long to do some heroics, don't you think? Remember Frank's spear? It had the power to summon Grey the Undead, but it lost it after three uses... I would suggest implementing some sort of restriction onto the javelin as well.]

Powers and Abilities:
Healing factor: Selene heals in water but she can’t manipulate it. Her healing is limited only to herself and she can’t heal anything relating to poison or acid. So if a weapon is dipped in either of those, it leaves a scar when it cuts her.

[My questions from the previous judgment still stand: How fast is her healing? Can she just jump into a lake and boom, fully restored? Does it work only externally for sword cuts and stabs? Or, it also heals internal hemorrhages, concussions and broken bones?]

Geokinesis (limited): Selene can cause earthquakes and (consequently) cause volcanic eruptions among others. She is able to sense vibrations and pinpoint their origin. She may develop the ability to picture a certain location based solely on the vibrations.

[Okay, I get the vibrations and localizing them, but I think we should add something to those volcanic eruptions: I really doubt such a young demigod would be able to cause them; okay, we have Percy, but he’s ‘speshul.’ While I can allow it, it should be noted that (maybe) she can influence them when she’s really mad and can’t control them? Something that would make her powers both strong and to be used with care.]

Cryokinesis: Selene can manipulate and generate ice and snow. She is also shown to be stronger when it’s cold.

[I would add cryokinesis as ‘limited’, only cause she would need a pre-existing body of water to freeze. This right now makes her sound like a child of Boreas.]

Aerokinesis (limited): Selene’s aerokinesis is known to be less than Thalia and Jason’s and is only a side-effect of her cryokinesis. She can control wind but only when her ice has sufficiently lowered the temperature.

[Percy couldn't really control air, could he? I don't honestly see a reason for her to have this power.]

Electrokinesis (limited): Selene can generate electricity but not of amounts like that of Zeus’ children. Like, Aerokinesis, it’s just a side-effect of her cryokinesis. If Selene summons enough ice and the temperature gets lowered to a significant level, her ice can create an electric field, hence, electricity.

[Is this actually a thing? Electricity from temperature? I'm gonna put this on hold, because I don't think that is possible.]

Heat resistance: Selene can resist heat longer than most humans because of Neptune’s oceanic nature. Could also be attributed to her affinity for ice. Her power over ice gives her the ability to absorb heat.

Other: She’s not dyslexic (but she needs reading glasses). She has ADHD, like most demigods

COMMENTS: Well... how do I start... The character by itself is not that bad in terms of personality or backstory. I sense a little too much involvement from the gods, Selene herself is packing quite a lot of powers, but I would have to read her story in order to fully grasp her nature. What works is her personality; the position of Camp Prefect that you've created is really interesting, and I would strongly recommend whether or not this whole drama around her is necessary. Also, from what was given to me... is it necessary for her to be a daughter of Neptune? Does anyone still remember that legacies exist as well? She could easily be a descendant of Neptune, therefore not risking breaking the Oath. Unfortunately, at this point, I am not convinced about Ms. Rivera.

FINAL JUDGMENT: Fields of Asphodel

Notes