Library of the Damned Account #43; Scrolls A-D, F-H

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...love of the gods, you asshat. I just want a bloody glass of water. I'm in Asphodel, for Hades' sake. It's not like I'm being punished or anything.

[Scribe: Please continue your account.]

You're a right mug, you know that? Fucking piece of shit. Well, fine. Blimey, I'd better get something to drink after this. Alright, here we go.

After I got to camp, Thalia left, and I was claimed by Ares later that night. I was probably the youngest lad at camp, but everyone in Ares' cabin protected me. I was like everyone's little British brother, you know?

Anyways, over the years I grew up a lot, and I became rather proficient with all sorts of weapons. I was quite the warrior. Hell, by the time I was fourteen, I was one of the top five swordsmen in camp. I'd been practicing for six years, so it makes sense I guess.

It wasn't a huge surprise when I got the quest. I was supposed to aid my dad in starting a minor conflict between Nike and another minor god, Ketiraca. At the time, I thought dad wanted to show the goddess of victory a little humility, but that was just my guess.

It was going pretty nicely. We had started the conflict well enough, and I was dismissed to go back to camp, with my dad pleased at how things were going. Then I got his call.

I was to go back to his side, to help him deal with a new player, who wanted to end the war: Hades. No doubt he didn't want to deal with all the dead that a war, even a minor one, would bring.

It was a simple mission that marked the beginning of my downfall, but like all of my missions, I took it to heart. I was supposed to convince Hades to not stop the war, by any means necessary. My father gave me a platoon of 48 warriors, undead and bound to serve.

Now I'm a tactician, not a brawler. I had no stupid notions about charging down to fight Hades on his home turf; that was suicide. I marched down to meet him, with peaceful notions, too. When we met, I had my soldiers stand down, and we talked. He didn't appreciate me coming down to see him, and sent me packing, with the promise of lethal force should I try to further persuade him.

Now, I'm not a little bitch, so I told him I would be back. I couldn't fail my dad.

When I got back to the surface, I began to build myself an army of sorts. A few stray demigods here, some private mercenaries there, et cetera. I was on a mission to get more troops when I accidentally saved the world.

Now, I'd love to go into some real deep specifics about that mission, but first, I think I need a gods-damned glass of water. That too much to ask?

[Scribe: Please continue.]

You know what? Fuck you. I'm not talking until I get a glass of water, you cunt.

[Long pause]

[Scribe: Please continue.]

[Raises middle finger at scribe]

[Another long pause]

Notes