Library of the Damned Account #43; Scrolls A-D, F-H

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...tell ya, mate, this is one bloody refreshing cup of water. Nice and cool, and it right slides down that parched throat, just...ahhh. You should really try some. Oh, wait, that's right, you can't because you're a bloody cock-sucking demon punk-bitch that didn't want me to have a lick of relief in this ruddy hellhole. I saved the world, you know. One should think I deserve a little more respect.

[Scribe: Please continue with your account.]

Whatever. I swear, you have absolutely no sense of humor. Where was I...um, something about the mission, right? Sorry, got distracted by this absolutely delicious water.

Okay. Hades was planning on ending the war between Ketiraca and Nike by force, so I was assembling my army to prevent that from happening. I hadn't made much in the way of progress. I had maybe a half-dozen demigods who were itching to fight something, and probably the equivalent of twenty men and a dragon (fucking sick, that thing was) in paid mercenaries. I needed a much larger force if I was going to do anything to Hades except make him laugh, right?

Naturally, my best bet for able-bodied soldiers would be one of two armies that I happened to know were being formed as we spoke. I decided to go to Nike for aid, straight-up telling her my plan.

“You want me to do WHAT?”

“Put your armies under my command. Then, I lead them quite literally to hell and back, and we scare the living crap out of Hades and forcing him to not interfere between you and Ketiraca. You're the goddess of victory, after all. What could go wrong?”

“Hades is an incredibly powerful being, young demigod. You are naught but an ant in comparison to him.”

“Since when has size mattered to the goddess of victory?” I asked her, hoping she would see my side. She didn't.

“Because I do not foresee you winning against the god of death itself at war. What do you have on your side that he does not have on his?”

I smiled. “Surprise. After all, no one's stupid enough to lead an army into the Underworld and attack him, right? There's no way he has defenses built up. It's not logical.”

Nike looked at me, an amused expression on her face. “Would my army be able to return in time to launch the attack on Ketiraca's fortress by the summer soltice?”

“Without a doubt. I would need less than a week down there.”

She smiled at me mischievously. “Fine. I'll acknowledge that your plan might just work. But now I need to know why.”

I gulped. “Why what?”

“Why are you willing to march into the underworld itself to aid me in my quest to destroy Ketiraca?”

“Let me answer that question with a question,” I said, nervously, backtracking awkwardly. “Why do you wish to destroy Ketiraca?”

Nike laughed. “Because she threatened me, saying she had found a source of unimaginable power. She told me I would be the first to go. Now answer my question.”

“Uh...I think...um...that the source of power she's talking about is evil. And it needs to be destroyed, so the earth doesn't suffer. Yeah.”

Oh, and you know what? I don't know how, but I was actually dead right. I didn't know it at the time, but I was completely and utterly correct. My dad and I were just trying to start a war, but we had started a whole lot more than that. A whole hell of a lot more.

So with that, I gained the trust of Nike, and set off for the Underworld with her army in tow.

You know, it sure is dry in here. I think I might need something else to whet my lips with so to speak. Maybe a Coke or something. You understand where I'm coming from, right, chuckles?

[Long silence]

Right. Well, regardless, I'm done talking for now.

Notes