My Life as the Daughter of Poseidon: Book One: True Me, True You

"What a load of crap!" I said, looking at the throw up covering the floor next to Alex's bed. I wrinkled my nose. "It smells like half-digested hamburger!" "It is half-digested hamburger, you idiot!" Shera yelled at me, as she tried to get off the bunk bed without stepping in stomach acid. "Looks like she has a crappy case of stomach virus"
"Ya think?!"
We brought her to the infirmary, which was quite awkward, considering Shera was holding her feet and I was holding her arms as we carried her through the crowds of people, all staring at her in her shorts and t-shirt, swinging around in our loose grip.
When we brought her into Will, he directed us to put her in an empty, quiet room, and he came over with lots of towels. "Put these all over her, and then I'll get some water. She needs lots of fluids, and she'll be hungry as well, she probably lost lots of solids as well." We did as directed, and by then, Will came in with a, large, tall glass of water, and gently shook Alex until she was half awake. "Wha-ner-wea-a" she groaned. Will slowly placed the glass in her hands, and she grabbed it, and poured it over her head, only getting some into her mouth like a victim of Yellow Fever or the Black Plague or something. She then flapped her arms out to her sides, and the hand holding the glass fell open, and it hit the floor with a crash. Will swept up the debris with a small dustpan and broom. I guided Shera out the door.

Notes

Really people? 6.7? because as I am writing this, my story is rated 6.7 with 8 votes. I'm not all that upset about the rating, but the fact that none of you are commenting telling me what I'm doing wrong! There is no reason you can't vote and then tell me why you voted that! Please give me your honest opinion:

Your overall opinion on the story
How you think I could make it better
What I am doing wrong

(not particularly in that order)

-Emily