The Original Character Court
Keira Augustine
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Basics
Name: Keira Augustine
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Birthday: November 19
Ethnicity: Part Irish
Hair color: Pitch black, a streak of gold
[Why does she have a streak of gold?]
Eye color: Dark blue
Other physical descriptions: She has a scar on her stomach that reads "You are lazy and worthless", made by her father.
[It sounds pretty traumatizing but it's a little too long for something he'd carve into someone. "Lazy" or other short words are most likely.]
There are also smaller, various scars around the rest of her body.
[How'd she get them?]
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 110 lbs
[She's underweight. Or at least borderline.]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Amphitrite
[HOLD ON. AMPHITRITE? POSEIDON'S WIFE AMPHITRITE? No way, man. Amphitrite wouldn't want to have affairs. She didn't even want to get married.]
Mortal parent: David Augustine
Other relationships:
A half-sister named Nayana "Naya" Alvarez and Naya's brother, Nick Alvarez. Naya is the daughter of Poseidon, and Nick is the son of Neptune. She has two cousins named Tiana and Christopher Augustine, both children of Zeus.
Her friends: Zara Callista (daughter of Hades), Alec Jenkins (son of Ares), Avalon Stevenson (daughter of Aphrodite), Sadie Payne (daughter of Hecate).
[*shakes head at other OCs* When did this happen? If the story's set wayyyyy into the future, then sure. If Naya's a daughter of Poseidon, they wouldn't be half-siblings. They're not blood-related.]
Keira falls in love with the son of Phantasos (the minor god of dreams) named Oliver Sprawn. Later in life, they get married and have children.
[Please describe more.]
Personality
Positive traits: Good judgement, hard worker, communication skills (explains being able to flirt successfully),
[The "flirt" part was unnecessary.]
and energetic.
Negative traits: A bit loose-tongued, stubborn, short-tempered, holds grudges for too long.
[Examples for both positive and negative traits please]
Fears/Phobias:
Aviophobia or Aviatophobia - Fear of flying
Arsonphobia - Fear of fire
[You mean, pyrophobia? Arson is the crime of intentionally starting fires that cause harm.]
[Also, stories and instances, please?]
Fatal Flaw: She has a voice in her head that tells her to betray her side and join evil whenever she goes into battle. She has no idea how it got there or how to get rid of it. The voice is apart of her; it's the voice of one of her descendants that's kind of been guiding her through her life, and yet making her indecisive about picking sides.
[You do know that descendant means the people you're related to in future generations? And fatal flaws are personality-based. And why does she have that voice in her head? Y'know, you could've just said that she's indecisive instead of going on about voices in her head. It's more realistic (given the demigod circumstances)/]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Camp Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: A simple dagger with blue vines around the blade that have a secret power.
[What a way to make her a "spesyal snoflak" (spelling is intentional).]
The special powers of her dagger are that when she's in need of it, the vines will turn into a phantom sea animal and help her attack the enemy.
[No. And vines. Why vines? No this weapon. Just no.]
Other weapons: A bow, given to her by Naya and a small silver knife for encounters with wolves.
[*werewolves. You don't need silver weapons against wolves.]
Powers and Abilities: Can control most liquids and can talk to all sea animals. Keira is most definitely not as powerful as Percy. If she tried to do something only he could do,
[like?]
she would most likely die from the effort. But her powers are pretty close to his. She can use her powers continually for about an hour and a half, but if she has breaks, she can go longer.
[I'd prefer it if you explained the powers and abilities a bit more.]
Also, she can conceal herself with mist (not Mist), since her mother is the goddess of that.
[I just checked my book of Greek gods and it doesn't say anything about Amphitrite being the goddess of mist. Notus is the god of fog and mists along with being the South Wind.]
Backstory:
David Augustine fell in love with Amphitrite, the goddess of the sea. They had an affair, making Keira. Right after she was born, Amphitrite left David to take care of their newborn child. As Keira grew older, David started to get more and more paranoid and often abused her.
[Paranoid in what way? And why would that make him abuse her?]
Keira didn't understand why all this pain was being inflicted upon her, but she was yet to find out. When she was fourteen, she decided to leave her father and merge into the unknown world.
["merge into the unknown world" *wrinkles nose at wording*. You don't really have to make this sound poetic or dramatic since this is just a simple backstory. You could've just said "leaver her father." End. No unknown world blah.]
Keira, after a year of being attacked by monsters and tired of fighting them, found her way to Camp Half-Blood, where she recovered and became a happy person. It became her home, a place where people accepted, loved, and encouraged her. But now she feels a sense of hatred from the other demigods, like they were judging her.
[Why the sudden change?]
Should she side with the Titans or not?
[IDK. Why are you asking me?]
Comments:
*head shaking* Change the parentage. Change a lot of things.
Weapons: http://www.medievalcollectibles.com/s-6-greek.aspx
Final judgement: Fields of Punishment.
Basics
Name: Keira Augustine
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Birthday: November 19
Ethnicity: Part Irish
Hair color: Pitch black, a streak of gold
[Why does she have a streak of gold?]
Eye color: Dark blue
Other physical descriptions: She has a scar on her stomach that reads "You are lazy and worthless", made by her father.
[It sounds pretty traumatizing but it's a little too long for something he'd carve into someone. "Lazy" or other short words are most likely.]
There are also smaller, various scars around the rest of her body.
[How'd she get them?]
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 110 lbs
[She's underweight. Or at least borderline.]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Amphitrite
[HOLD ON. AMPHITRITE? POSEIDON'S WIFE AMPHITRITE? No way, man. Amphitrite wouldn't want to have affairs. She didn't even want to get married.]
Mortal parent: David Augustine
Other relationships:
A half-sister named Nayana "Naya" Alvarez and Naya's brother, Nick Alvarez. Naya is the daughter of Poseidon, and Nick is the son of Neptune. She has two cousins named Tiana and Christopher Augustine, both children of Zeus.
Her friends: Zara Callista (daughter of Hades), Alec Jenkins (son of Ares), Avalon Stevenson (daughter of Aphrodite), Sadie Payne (daughter of Hecate).
[*shakes head at other OCs* When did this happen? If the story's set wayyyyy into the future, then sure. If Naya's a daughter of Poseidon, they wouldn't be half-siblings. They're not blood-related.]
Keira falls in love with the son of Phantasos (the minor god of dreams) named Oliver Sprawn. Later in life, they get married and have children.
[Please describe more.]
Personality
Positive traits: Good judgement, hard worker, communication skills (explains being able to flirt successfully),
[The "flirt" part was unnecessary.]
and energetic.
Negative traits: A bit loose-tongued, stubborn, short-tempered, holds grudges for too long.
[Examples for both positive and negative traits please]
Fears/Phobias:
Aviophobia or Aviatophobia - Fear of flying
Arsonphobia - Fear of fire
[You mean, pyrophobia? Arson is the crime of intentionally starting fires that cause harm.]
[Also, stories and instances, please?]
Fatal Flaw: She has a voice in her head that tells her to betray her side and join evil whenever she goes into battle. She has no idea how it got there or how to get rid of it. The voice is apart of her; it's the voice of one of her descendants that's kind of been guiding her through her life, and yet making her indecisive about picking sides.
[You do know that descendant means the people you're related to in future generations? And fatal flaws are personality-based. And why does she have that voice in her head? Y'know, you could've just said that she's indecisive instead of going on about voices in her head. It's more realistic (given the demigod circumstances)/]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Camp Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: A simple dagger with blue vines around the blade that have a secret power.
[What a way to make her a "spesyal snoflak" (spelling is intentional).]
The special powers of her dagger are that when she's in need of it, the vines will turn into a phantom sea animal and help her attack the enemy.
[No. And vines. Why vines? No this weapon. Just no.]
Other weapons: A bow, given to her by Naya and a small silver knife for encounters with wolves.
[*werewolves. You don't need silver weapons against wolves.]
Powers and Abilities: Can control most liquids and can talk to all sea animals. Keira is most definitely not as powerful as Percy. If she tried to do something only he could do,
[like?]
she would most likely die from the effort. But her powers are pretty close to his. She can use her powers continually for about an hour and a half, but if she has breaks, she can go longer.
[I'd prefer it if you explained the powers and abilities a bit more.]
Also, she can conceal herself with mist (not Mist), since her mother is the goddess of that.
[I just checked my book of Greek gods and it doesn't say anything about Amphitrite being the goddess of mist. Notus is the god of fog and mists along with being the South Wind.]
Backstory:
David Augustine fell in love with Amphitrite, the goddess of the sea. They had an affair, making Keira. Right after she was born, Amphitrite left David to take care of their newborn child. As Keira grew older, David started to get more and more paranoid and often abused her.
[Paranoid in what way? And why would that make him abuse her?]
Keira didn't understand why all this pain was being inflicted upon her, but she was yet to find out. When she was fourteen, she decided to leave her father and merge into the unknown world.
["merge into the unknown world" *wrinkles nose at wording*. You don't really have to make this sound poetic or dramatic since this is just a simple backstory. You could've just said "leaver her father." End. No unknown world blah.]
Keira, after a year of being attacked by monsters and tired of fighting them, found her way to Camp Half-Blood, where she recovered and became a happy person. It became her home, a place where people accepted, loved, and encouraged her. But now she feels a sense of hatred from the other demigods, like they were judging her.
[Why the sudden change?]
Should she side with the Titans or not?
[IDK. Why are you asking me?]
Comments:
*head shaking* Change the parentage. Change a lot of things.
Weapons: http://www.medievalcollectibles.com/s-6-greek.aspx
Final judgement: Fields of Punishment.
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16