The Original Character Court
Kaya Sendcenich (resubmission)
Submitted by: Article Artemis
Basics
Name: Kaya Sendcenich
[still nothing on the surname]
Age: 13
Gender: Female
Birthday: October 4th
Ethnicity: Cherokee, and german
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Green
Height: 5 feet
Weight: 100 pounds
Other physical descriptions: Kaya is thin, not in a unhealthy way, but in a petite way.
She's a little bit on the short side, though.
[at thirteen? She can still grow. Girls hit puberty at around 14.]
She has a painted bear claw on her left arm, which she repaints when necessary.
[why does she have a painted bear claw?]
She has a mischievous look on her face many times, and altogether has a compact, flexible frame.
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Personality
Positive traits: Kaya is athletic, [Pretty sure I said that that wasn't a personality trait] mostly from the fact that she is a outdoors person, and always has her brother pushing her (you aren't reviewing both)
Running in the woods and swimming made her quite agile and quick, which helps in more situations than you may think.
[I can think a lot of situations so you should probably omit that from your descriptions]
Because of her Mom teaching her, she is very loyal and enthusiastic to help anyone she is close to.
[this is the only personality trait here. Put the first two in physical descriptions.]
Negative traits: Kaya can be strongly hateful over stupid things,
A friend of hers made a joke about her brother Colin being 'cocky' and she still can't forgive it,
She also tends to hold on to things, because when she was young they moved cross-country from Wyoming to New York, and have hopped around various apartments, (she refuses to get rid of a old picture, a toy, anything)
Other Personality traits worth noting: She is very free-spirited, despite the fact that she lives in a apartment. Almost like a water balloon, if you hold her back for too long she will explode.
[bad analogy]
Usually this causes a lot of trouble for her.
(Capturing homing pigeons, T.P.-ing city trees,)
[what what what what what]
Fears/Phobias: Trypophobic and Claustrophobic. [and still no explanation. Why and why?]
Fatal Flaw: Her fatal flaw is having trouble forgiving. [holding grudges]
She realized this when one night, during capture-the-flag, when her brother, Colin, was hurt in a fight, and she had to let a boy (Jacob Fluor) stay with him so that she could get a medic (Jacob was, eh, slow and chubby). Jacob had bullied them when they first arrived, and she still couldn't forgive him and just leave him with her brother. [the story doesn't make sense. Jacob was mean but she leaves him with her brother?]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Zephyrus (correct me if misspelled)
[the West Wind? Okay]
Mortal Parent: Marion Sendcenich
Other relationships: Jacob Fluor, son of Hypnos (see flaw)
Colin, her brother
Backstory: Kaya was born in Wyoming, where her mom lived on a ranch with her Dad.
But, her Dad left, and her Mom couldn't stand working with his animals anymore, so she moved far, far away.
They stayed in various New York apartments, never finding a good place to settle.
Thing is, Kaya regretted her Mom moving away, [her mom left them? That's what your wording implies] and held a grudge against that,
One day, a couple harpies attacked their school, which they shrugged off. [That's not exactly something you can shrug off]
Then, a few weeks later, a vampiress [vampiress? You mean, empousa, right?] joined the drama club, and after a confusing fight, a satyr named Frederick moved them to Camp Halfblood. They were both claimed when they made a tornado together during a fight.
[They're not exactly aware of their powers yet. They'd probably shoot out little gusts of wind. Tornadoes would be difficult to control since you'd have to contain the wind to swirl only at a certain area. Percy couldn't make hurricane until he was, like, fifteen-ish.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half blood
Weapon of choice: Kaya prefers to use a bow.
Other weapons: The wind. [if it's something under their sphere of control, don't stick it in other weapons. Put it in powers and abilities.]
Powers and Abilities: She can control the west wind, [when you see the "West Wind" you imply the god, Zephyrus because he is the West Wind. She can control wind. Just like that.] "dust and dirt"
Dust Devils and tornados with her brother
[generate and control them, you mean.]
Comments:
So many lacking details. Not everything was expounded enough. I still can't grasp the personality. However, it's better than the previous one. She's not that trope-y and I find her powers interesting (I like how, she seems to need her brother to create the tornadoes because she'd be really really powerful if she didn't. It seems to balance her out.)
Final judgement: Fields of Asphodel
Basics
Name: Kaya Sendcenich
[still nothing on the surname]
Age: 13
Gender: Female
Birthday: October 4th
Ethnicity: Cherokee, and german
Hair color: Brown
Eye color: Green
Height: 5 feet
Weight: 100 pounds
Other physical descriptions: Kaya is thin, not in a unhealthy way, but in a petite way.
She's a little bit on the short side, though.
[at thirteen? She can still grow. Girls hit puberty at around 14.]
She has a painted bear claw on her left arm, which she repaints when necessary.
[why does she have a painted bear claw?]
She has a mischievous look on her face many times, and altogether has a compact, flexible frame.
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Personality
Positive traits: Kaya is athletic, [Pretty sure I said that that wasn't a personality trait] mostly from the fact that she is a outdoors person, and always has her brother pushing her (you aren't reviewing both)
Running in the woods and swimming made her quite agile and quick, which helps in more situations than you may think.
[I can think a lot of situations so you should probably omit that from your descriptions]
Because of her Mom teaching her, she is very loyal and enthusiastic to help anyone she is close to.
[this is the only personality trait here. Put the first two in physical descriptions.]
Negative traits: Kaya can be strongly hateful over stupid things,
A friend of hers made a joke about her brother Colin being 'cocky' and she still can't forgive it,
She also tends to hold on to things, because when she was young they moved cross-country from Wyoming to New York, and have hopped around various apartments, (she refuses to get rid of a old picture, a toy, anything)
Other Personality traits worth noting: She is very free-spirited, despite the fact that she lives in a apartment. Almost like a water balloon, if you hold her back for too long she will explode.
[bad analogy]
Usually this causes a lot of trouble for her.
(Capturing homing pigeons, T.P.-ing city trees,)
[what what what what what]
Fears/Phobias: Trypophobic and Claustrophobic. [and still no explanation. Why and why?]
Fatal Flaw: Her fatal flaw is having trouble forgiving. [holding grudges]
She realized this when one night, during capture-the-flag, when her brother, Colin, was hurt in a fight, and she had to let a boy (Jacob Fluor) stay with him so that she could get a medic (Jacob was, eh, slow and chubby). Jacob had bullied them when they first arrived, and she still couldn't forgive him and just leave him with her brother. [the story doesn't make sense. Jacob was mean but she leaves him with her brother?]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Zephyrus (correct me if misspelled)
[the West Wind? Okay]
Mortal Parent: Marion Sendcenich
Other relationships: Jacob Fluor, son of Hypnos (see flaw)
Colin, her brother
Backstory: Kaya was born in Wyoming, where her mom lived on a ranch with her Dad.
But, her Dad left, and her Mom couldn't stand working with his animals anymore, so she moved far, far away.
They stayed in various New York apartments, never finding a good place to settle.
Thing is, Kaya regretted her Mom moving away, [her mom left them? That's what your wording implies] and held a grudge against that,
One day, a couple harpies attacked their school, which they shrugged off. [That's not exactly something you can shrug off]
Then, a few weeks later, a vampiress [vampiress? You mean, empousa, right?] joined the drama club, and after a confusing fight, a satyr named Frederick moved them to Camp Halfblood. They were both claimed when they made a tornado together during a fight.
[They're not exactly aware of their powers yet. They'd probably shoot out little gusts of wind. Tornadoes would be difficult to control since you'd have to contain the wind to swirl only at a certain area. Percy couldn't make hurricane until he was, like, fifteen-ish.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half blood
Weapon of choice: Kaya prefers to use a bow.
Other weapons: The wind. [if it's something under their sphere of control, don't stick it in other weapons. Put it in powers and abilities.]
Powers and Abilities: She can control the west wind, [when you see the "West Wind" you imply the god, Zephyrus because he is the West Wind. She can control wind. Just like that.] "dust and dirt"
Dust Devils and tornados with her brother
[generate and control them, you mean.]
Comments:
So many lacking details. Not everything was expounded enough. I still can't grasp the personality. However, it's better than the previous one. She's not that trope-y and I find her powers interesting (I like how, she seems to need her brother to create the tornadoes because she'd be really really powerful if she didn't. It seems to balance her out.)
Final judgement: Fields of Asphodel
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16