The Original Character Court
Jackson Kit
Submitted by: [classified]
OC of: One of many
[herm. Not sure if that's a username or if it really means that a lot of people collaborated to make this OC. Here's to hoping that he's okay.]
[This is also the second OC to not be submitted by the original author. First was Selene Rivera.]
Basics
Name: Jackson Kit
Age: 15 (during the 1940's) [le eyebrow raise]
Gender: Male
Birthday: June 5th
Ethnicity: Native American
[his name doesn't match up.]
Hair color: Red
[HOLD UP. Do you mean natural red-head? Or like anime-red? Either way, it clashes with the Native American ethnicity.]
Eye color: Green [Like, hair color, clashes with the Native-American ethnicity]
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 132 lbs
Other physical descriptions: Tattoo on back of a dream catcher, a memorial to his sister Lucia.
Tall, muscular, often times wears a worried expression.
[why the worried expression?]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual (or he hasn't really thought about it...)
Personality
Positive traits: Is very loyal because his position in the war is a make it or break it deal, and often times he is pressured on this side of him,so it is constantly being grown.
His personality is centered around his role as a big brother, which made him very family-centered and brought out his caring nature.
Negative traits: Jack can blame himself easily, therefore this drags him down,
His demeanor is naturally quite rough when he's not around his siblings because he subconsciously is feeling loose when he doesn't have anyone to take care of.
Other personality traits: Rebellious. It runs in the family.
Fears/Phobias: He has a fear of letting down his family, (what's it called?)
[the closest would be atychiphobia which is fear of failure. Failure can be letting other people down, in this case, family. Can you explain why he has this fear? How did it start? Atychiphobia is caused by some kind of experience usually in childhood.]
Fatal Flaw: His fatal flaw is his fear of Failure.
When he comes to realize just how hard, impossible, risky, Et cetera that a task may be, he starts getting more and more convinced that he can't do it, and then he can't completely.
[A fear of failure usually makes someone dwell too much on a task that he/she does it too slowly to avoid mistakes. A person would be extra careful and that take a toll on time. Based on the description, his fatal flaw is lack of self-confidence rather than fear of failure.]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Poseiden
[*Poseidon]
[judging extra hard. When was this set? 1940s? Okay passable.]
Mortal Parent: Christina.... I just completely forgot the last name...
[where did 'Kit' come from?]
Other relationships:
His younger brother, Silas, who is the oldest of three.
His younger sister, Brielle, who is a peace-maker and the Middle child.
[technically Silas and Brielle are the Middle-children.]
And Julia, the youngest. She stays at CHB during the war because she's only 5 at the time.
[none of the names are (at least derived) of Native American origin.]
Stormy Vale, daughter of Zeus, and his closest companion during the war.
[Who the hell names their kid Stormy? Too cliched.]
Backstory: Jackson was born as the oldest out of three, and boy was he trouble. [for future reference, make your backstories a simple narrative. Don't add any (way too) flowery descriptions or unnecessary comments like "boy was he trouble"]
Like most children of the big three, lots of weird stuff happened to him (but I suppose weird stuff happens to all demigods).
One includes being attacked by a raven on his third birthday another is when he passed out during a trip to a abandoned mine.
[why a raven. Ravens are more associated with Norse culture than Greco-Roman.]
He grew up in Wyoming in the late 1930's, with his financially struggling mom, and his younger siblings.
They were as close as can be.
Jacks childhood is littered with bad memories among the good ones. He was chased down by various monsters, not being able to be easily found by a Satyr because of his mom homeschooling him.
[That would actually make it easier because he's more isolated and not many kids (relative to an area) are home-schooled.]
Eventually, though, he was found by a satyr on the playground and taken to Camp Half Blood, where he was soon claimed by Zeus.
[I thought he was a Poseidon kid?]
He had a big fight with the Hades cabin, and soon after they were constant enemies.
After Jackson accidently killed a child of Hades, Hades seemed revenge and destroyed his sister Brielle in a Manticore attack.
[*accidentally. And what happened? How'd he accidentally kill the kid?]
[Hades seemed revenge?]
Then World War II began.
Jackson formed alliances with the children of the gods who were on Zeus's side, and made a quaint little army with the help of Stormy.
[Based on the descriptions in the PJO books, the demigods who participated in WWII were all adults. The kids were all in CHB.]
They began the war of the lifetime, and that is where I leave off.
[They began the war of a lifetime? Uh-uh. No. Read history. It clashes with the actual event. What Riordan did was take the actual event and put a twist to it. WWI started with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. WWII started when Germany invaded Poland, violating the Treaty of Versailles. You're talking to a history major. Don't mess with history in front of a history major. Kudos to you, 1940s is approximately the period of WWII (it ran from September 1, 1939 to September 2, 1945.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half-blood
Weapon of choice: He prefers using a sword,
[World War II. Enough said.]
Other weapons: His own power.
[how many times do I have to say that if it's powers related, don't put it in "other weapons". Put it in the next segment.]
Powers and Abilities: Like his Dad, he can control the ocean and breathe under water, as well as talk to equestrian animals.
Once he made a small tsunami with his siblings.
[So who's his dad? Zeus or Poseidon? Because those are Poseidon powers but the backstory says he was claimed by Zeus. Zeus wouldn't claim a Poseidon kid.]
[And haha. Jackson Kit. Percy Jackson. Nice try. Change his name.]
Comments:
Well, good thing his personality is sound. However, there are a lot of negatives with this character.
Final judgement: Fields of Punishment
OC of: One of many
[herm. Not sure if that's a username or if it really means that a lot of people collaborated to make this OC. Here's to hoping that he's okay.]
[This is also the second OC to not be submitted by the original author. First was Selene Rivera.]
Basics
Name: Jackson Kit
Age: 15 (during the 1940's) [le eyebrow raise]
Gender: Male
Birthday: June 5th
Ethnicity: Native American
[his name doesn't match up.]
Hair color: Red
[HOLD UP. Do you mean natural red-head? Or like anime-red? Either way, it clashes with the Native American ethnicity.]
Eye color: Green [Like, hair color, clashes with the Native-American ethnicity]
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 132 lbs
Other physical descriptions: Tattoo on back of a dream catcher, a memorial to his sister Lucia.
Tall, muscular, often times wears a worried expression.
[why the worried expression?]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual (or he hasn't really thought about it...)
Personality
Positive traits: Is very loyal because his position in the war is a make it or break it deal, and often times he is pressured on this side of him,so it is constantly being grown.
His personality is centered around his role as a big brother, which made him very family-centered and brought out his caring nature.
Negative traits: Jack can blame himself easily, therefore this drags him down,
His demeanor is naturally quite rough when he's not around his siblings because he subconsciously is feeling loose when he doesn't have anyone to take care of.
Other personality traits: Rebellious. It runs in the family.
Fears/Phobias: He has a fear of letting down his family, (what's it called?)
[the closest would be atychiphobia which is fear of failure. Failure can be letting other people down, in this case, family. Can you explain why he has this fear? How did it start? Atychiphobia is caused by some kind of experience usually in childhood.]
Fatal Flaw: His fatal flaw is his fear of Failure.
When he comes to realize just how hard, impossible, risky, Et cetera that a task may be, he starts getting more and more convinced that he can't do it, and then he can't completely.
[A fear of failure usually makes someone dwell too much on a task that he/she does it too slowly to avoid mistakes. A person would be extra careful and that take a toll on time. Based on the description, his fatal flaw is lack of self-confidence rather than fear of failure.]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Poseiden
[*Poseidon]
[judging extra hard. When was this set? 1940s? Okay passable.]
Mortal Parent: Christina.... I just completely forgot the last name...
[where did 'Kit' come from?]
Other relationships:
His younger brother, Silas, who is the oldest of three.
His younger sister, Brielle, who is a peace-maker and the Middle child.
[technically Silas and Brielle are the Middle-children.]
And Julia, the youngest. She stays at CHB during the war because she's only 5 at the time.
[none of the names are (at least derived) of Native American origin.]
Stormy Vale, daughter of Zeus, and his closest companion during the war.
[Who the hell names their kid Stormy? Too cliched.]
Backstory: Jackson was born as the oldest out of three, and boy was he trouble. [for future reference, make your backstories a simple narrative. Don't add any (way too) flowery descriptions or unnecessary comments like "boy was he trouble"]
Like most children of the big three, lots of weird stuff happened to him (but I suppose weird stuff happens to all demigods).
One includes being attacked by a raven on his third birthday another is when he passed out during a trip to a abandoned mine.
[why a raven. Ravens are more associated with Norse culture than Greco-Roman.]
He grew up in Wyoming in the late 1930's, with his financially struggling mom, and his younger siblings.
They were as close as can be.
Jacks childhood is littered with bad memories among the good ones. He was chased down by various monsters, not being able to be easily found by a Satyr because of his mom homeschooling him.
[That would actually make it easier because he's more isolated and not many kids (relative to an area) are home-schooled.]
Eventually, though, he was found by a satyr on the playground and taken to Camp Half Blood, where he was soon claimed by Zeus.
[I thought he was a Poseidon kid?]
He had a big fight with the Hades cabin, and soon after they were constant enemies.
After Jackson accidently killed a child of Hades, Hades seemed revenge and destroyed his sister Brielle in a Manticore attack.
[*accidentally. And what happened? How'd he accidentally kill the kid?]
[Hades seemed revenge?]
Then World War II began.
Jackson formed alliances with the children of the gods who were on Zeus's side, and made a quaint little army with the help of Stormy.
[Based on the descriptions in the PJO books, the demigods who participated in WWII were all adults. The kids were all in CHB.]
They began the war of the lifetime, and that is where I leave off.
[They began the war of a lifetime? Uh-uh. No. Read history. It clashes with the actual event. What Riordan did was take the actual event and put a twist to it. WWI started with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. WWII started when Germany invaded Poland, violating the Treaty of Versailles. You're talking to a history major. Don't mess with history in front of a history major. Kudos to you, 1940s is approximately the period of WWII (it ran from September 1, 1939 to September 2, 1945.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half-blood
Weapon of choice: He prefers using a sword,
[World War II. Enough said.]
Other weapons: His own power.
[how many times do I have to say that if it's powers related, don't put it in "other weapons". Put it in the next segment.]
Powers and Abilities: Like his Dad, he can control the ocean and breathe under water, as well as talk to equestrian animals.
Once he made a small tsunami with his siblings.
[So who's his dad? Zeus or Poseidon? Because those are Poseidon powers but the backstory says he was claimed by Zeus. Zeus wouldn't claim a Poseidon kid.]
[And haha. Jackson Kit. Percy Jackson. Nice try. Change his name.]
Comments:
Well, good thing his personality is sound. However, there are a lot of negatives with this character.
Final judgement: Fields of Punishment
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16