The Original Character Court
Charmeine Lee Jordan
Basics
Name: Charmeine Lee Jordan (her last name doesn't fit with her ethnicity because her grandmother who was latino married an Irish man).
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Birthday: March 21st
Ethnicity: Latin-American
Hair color: Long wavy brown hair
[It was just asking for hair color but okay. Just saying, you could put the other hair-specifics in other physical descriptions]
Eye color: Brown eyes with green highlights.
[Green highlights? I'm guessing you mean hazel since that's the eye color that's closest to the description.]
Height: 5 feet exactly
Weight: 100 pounds
Other physical descriptions: As you can tell by the Weight and Height she is a little on the small side.
She has scars on her arms (see how she got them in Backstory) and scratches from monsters on her back from the time she spent in Luke's army (she ran away, see in Backstory).
[looking forward to it.]
She has freckles on her cheeks and nose, and on her arms and back, she also has little moles on her upper arms and neck area.
She has scars on her fists from various training while in Luke's army.
She has thin yet strong arms and legs and is on the small-chested side (because she's 14).
[That's okay. Let's hope puberty will be good to her.]
Sexual orientation: Demisexual
Personality
Positive traits: She's shy and sweet, she's not very talkative and is a good listener. She's not a leader-type but she's good at following orders and hates making people upset. She's a very passive-aggressive type of person and just wishes everyone could put aside their differences.
Negative traits: She has a horrible sense of direction and gets lost all the time, she gets upset pretty easily and always forgives people. She gets scared easily and can also get tricked easily (ex. Luke tricked her into joining his army).
[Positive and negative traits complement]
Other Personality traits: She's a hippie-type person that's always calm and collected (unless you upset her). She hates the fact that there's a war going on and she can't do anything to stop it. She never wanted to pick a side but Luke tricked her into joining his (until she later escapes).
She always is thinking of other's well-being and has little interest of she's in danger, as long as her friends/loved ones are safe.
Fears/Phobias: She's claustrophobic due to her past (see backstory as to why in specifics). She's Arachnophobic because she thinks spiders are terrifying. Traumatophobic, she is terrified of the fact that a war is breaking out and she all-together hates war.
[I'm pretty sure traumatophobia is the fear of getting injured.]
Fatal Flaw: Believes in people too much, she believes people's lies and stuff to easy, leading her into getting tricked and hurt. Example: How Luke tricked her into joining his army. She believes that there's good in everyone, and she tries hard to find that good.
[I like this.]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Harmonia=Goddess of Harmony
[Well that explains the personality nicely.]
Mortal Parent: Romio Jordan
Other relationships:
She's an only child, her best friend was a mortal girl named Isabella Collins, who died from lung cancer at the age of 11.
When she went to camp half-blood she was put in the Hermes cabin, she always kept to herself and tried her hardest not be noticed, her only friend in camp half-blood was Luke, who tricked her into joining his army by saying that it would help the up-coming war end faster.
[Sounds very Luke-like]
Later on she becomes friends with Jennie Clark, Alexia o'Riley and Callie Schmidt who helped her escape Luke's ship after seeing that they all had some things in common.
[weren't those other OCs submitted here. Huh. okay.]
Backstory:
Her father, Romio was a big peace defender and often organized rallies outside of soldier recruitment centers and other Army-owner building with the same message, to stop the war. That's what attracted Harmonia to him.
[Makes sense]
Harmonia was called back to Olympus after spending a month with Romio, she left without saying anything. Romio thinking that the love of his life left him, became an alcoholic and developed anger-issues. [anger-management issues] 9 months later Romio received a letter from Harmonia saying that they had a child and she was coming back. Harmonia came back and Romio got better, they raised Charmeine together up until she was 1 year old, then Harmonia had to leave again.
Romio fell back into his dark spiral of depression, anger and alcoholism. As Charmeine grew up she knew always thought of her father being sick, that he didn't choose to end up like this. Romio always made Charmeine do things, like get him beer and clean up the house and make him food, and if she didn 't do it properly he'd beat her (that's where her arm scars come from). Charmeine kept convincing herself that things would get better, they wouldn't always stay like this, her father would one day see that the world isn't a horrible place and that she wasn't a horrible daughter. But that day never came. When Charmeine was 12 her father died of alcohol poisoning, Charmeine was devastated and wouldn't leave her father's corpse. In the end medics came and dragged her off of it.
[I'll assume a neighbor called them.]
Charmeine spent about half a year in foster homes until one day her mom came down and found her. Harmonia explained who she was and how Charmeine was a demigod. Harmonia gave her a plane ticket to New York and explained how to get to Camp Half-blood.
Charmeine eventually made it to Camp Half-blood, where she was put in the Hermes cabin, she stayed there for about 2 years until Luke tricked her into joining Kronos' army.
She stayed there for half a year and underwent hard training for her to get stronger and more agile until she saw the chance to escape with a group of other girls.
[Interesting and unique backstory]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: She doesn't like using weapons but she's most skilled in throwing knives and the spear.
Powers and Abilities: She doesn't have any specific demigod powers but is very agile and fast, she is a good climber.
[Okay, that's nice.]
Comments:
OC is overall well-balanced. I feel like some things could be explained more. She's very interesting. Check traumatophobia again and make sure that's what you really mean.
Final judgement: Elysium
Name: Charmeine Lee Jordan (her last name doesn't fit with her ethnicity because her grandmother who was latino married an Irish man).
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Birthday: March 21st
Ethnicity: Latin-American
Hair color: Long wavy brown hair
[It was just asking for hair color but okay. Just saying, you could put the other hair-specifics in other physical descriptions]
Eye color: Brown eyes with green highlights.
[Green highlights? I'm guessing you mean hazel since that's the eye color that's closest to the description.]
Height: 5 feet exactly
Weight: 100 pounds
Other physical descriptions: As you can tell by the Weight and Height she is a little on the small side.
She has scars on her arms (see how she got them in Backstory) and scratches from monsters on her back from the time she spent in Luke's army (she ran away, see in Backstory).
[looking forward to it.]
She has freckles on her cheeks and nose, and on her arms and back, she also has little moles on her upper arms and neck area.
She has scars on her fists from various training while in Luke's army.
She has thin yet strong arms and legs and is on the small-chested side (because she's 14).
[That's okay. Let's hope puberty will be good to her.]
Sexual orientation: Demisexual
Personality
Positive traits: She's shy and sweet, she's not very talkative and is a good listener. She's not a leader-type but she's good at following orders and hates making people upset. She's a very passive-aggressive type of person and just wishes everyone could put aside their differences.
Negative traits: She has a horrible sense of direction and gets lost all the time, she gets upset pretty easily and always forgives people. She gets scared easily and can also get tricked easily (ex. Luke tricked her into joining his army).
[Positive and negative traits complement]
Other Personality traits: She's a hippie-type person that's always calm and collected (unless you upset her). She hates the fact that there's a war going on and she can't do anything to stop it. She never wanted to pick a side but Luke tricked her into joining his (until she later escapes).
She always is thinking of other's well-being and has little interest of she's in danger, as long as her friends/loved ones are safe.
Fears/Phobias: She's claustrophobic due to her past (see backstory as to why in specifics). She's Arachnophobic because she thinks spiders are terrifying. Traumatophobic, she is terrified of the fact that a war is breaking out and she all-together hates war.
[I'm pretty sure traumatophobia is the fear of getting injured.]
Fatal Flaw: Believes in people too much, she believes people's lies and stuff to easy, leading her into getting tricked and hurt. Example: How Luke tricked her into joining his army. She believes that there's good in everyone, and she tries hard to find that good.
[I like this.]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Harmonia=Goddess of Harmony
[Well that explains the personality nicely.]
Mortal Parent: Romio Jordan
Other relationships:
She's an only child, her best friend was a mortal girl named Isabella Collins, who died from lung cancer at the age of 11.
When she went to camp half-blood she was put in the Hermes cabin, she always kept to herself and tried her hardest not be noticed, her only friend in camp half-blood was Luke, who tricked her into joining his army by saying that it would help the up-coming war end faster.
[Sounds very Luke-like]
Later on she becomes friends with Jennie Clark, Alexia o'Riley and Callie Schmidt who helped her escape Luke's ship after seeing that they all had some things in common.
[weren't those other OCs submitted here. Huh. okay.]
Backstory:
Her father, Romio was a big peace defender and often organized rallies outside of soldier recruitment centers and other Army-owner building with the same message, to stop the war. That's what attracted Harmonia to him.
[Makes sense]
Harmonia was called back to Olympus after spending a month with Romio, she left without saying anything. Romio thinking that the love of his life left him, became an alcoholic and developed anger-issues. [anger-management issues] 9 months later Romio received a letter from Harmonia saying that they had a child and she was coming back. Harmonia came back and Romio got better, they raised Charmeine together up until she was 1 year old, then Harmonia had to leave again.
Romio fell back into his dark spiral of depression, anger and alcoholism. As Charmeine grew up she knew always thought of her father being sick, that he didn't choose to end up like this. Romio always made Charmeine do things, like get him beer and clean up the house and make him food, and if she didn 't do it properly he'd beat her (that's where her arm scars come from). Charmeine kept convincing herself that things would get better, they wouldn't always stay like this, her father would one day see that the world isn't a horrible place and that she wasn't a horrible daughter. But that day never came. When Charmeine was 12 her father died of alcohol poisoning, Charmeine was devastated and wouldn't leave her father's corpse. In the end medics came and dragged her off of it.
[I'll assume a neighbor called them.]
Charmeine spent about half a year in foster homes until one day her mom came down and found her. Harmonia explained who she was and how Charmeine was a demigod. Harmonia gave her a plane ticket to New York and explained how to get to Camp Half-blood.
Charmeine eventually made it to Camp Half-blood, where she was put in the Hermes cabin, she stayed there for about 2 years until Luke tricked her into joining Kronos' army.
She stayed there for half a year and underwent hard training for her to get stronger and more agile until she saw the chance to escape with a group of other girls.
[Interesting and unique backstory]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: She doesn't like using weapons but she's most skilled in throwing knives and the spear.
Powers and Abilities: She doesn't have any specific demigod powers but is very agile and fast, she is a good climber.
[Okay, that's nice.]
Comments:
OC is overall well-balanced. I feel like some things could be explained more. She's very interesting. Check traumatophobia again and make sure that's what you really mean.
Final judgement: Elysium
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16