The Original Character Court
Caroline Campbell
Submitted by: Stop it Rick
Basics
Name: Caroline Campell
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Birthday: July 4, 2000
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Hair color: Blonde
Eye color: Green
Height: 5'2''
Weight: 109 lbs
Other physical descriptions: She has a good tan from being outside in the sun so much. Hair is almost always stuffed up into a french braid, but she has little 'frizzies' by her face that she doesn't know how to manage. Freckles dot her nose and top of her cheeks. She has a bit more baby fat on her face than most kids her age, leading to teasing from her siblings. Caroline terrible tan lines from her shorts and tank top, even some around her ankles due to almost exclusively wearing high-tops. Her eyes are a darker green, but are quite round and big, almost doll-like. She has a small mouth with perpetually chapped lips, from being far too lazy to re-apply chapstick every ten minutes.
[Nice, nice. detailed, practical, and make-sense. Good job]
Sexual orientation: Asexual/Heteroromantic
[Yay for representation.]
[For people who don't know, 'asexual' means a person doesn't feel any sexual attraction but that doesn't mean their aromantic. In this case, being 'heteroromantic' means that a person feels romantic attraction for people of the opposite gender.]
Personality
Positive traits: Caroline is a great listener, and keeps secrets. This turns into her listening to confessions from her cabin, and some other campers. She has a bubbly personality, always ready to meet new campers or pull pranks, though she isn't ever the mastermind behind them. She tends to surprise new camper with sarcasm, seeing as she looks so sweet that she wouldn't have a 'sassy' bone in her body.
[Whoa. Nice one. My girlfriend's like that. She acts all sweet and kind and caring but inside, she's a psychopath.]
[Sorry just popping by because screw you, Kara. I'm not a psychopath. You're a sociopath. And being sassy and sarcastic isn't bad! You're worse than me! You're, like, the queen of the sardonic sass-lords! Now if you excuse me, I have an article too write. - L]
[WTF. I go to the bathroom and this happens.]
Negative traits: She has terrible endurance, causing half of her training to consist of breaks. When meeting new people, she tends to embarrass herself by mishearing words, continuing to talk with misinformation, making a joke that doesn't get laughs, or even tripping over herself from excitement. She doesn't have a very thick skin, and cares a lot about how people see her.
[I like this character. Her insecurities are realistic and the negative traits match the positive traits.]
Fears/Phobias: She is afraid of the dark. [Now, I'll accept this with no explanation because apparently, this is inherent for some people. (though, I'd like it if you mentioned whether it was inherent or not.]
Fatal Flaw: She is too easily excitable, and she sometimes rushes into a fight too quickly thinking she can take on whoever the opponent is.
[Definitely fatal.]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Apollo
Mortal Parent: Joanna Campell [Hoping you elaborate on this person in the backstory.]
Backstory:
Caroline grew up in California, with a pretty normal childhood. When she turned ten, she barely missed an attack by a basilisk in the locker room shower of her school. Her mother took a long road trip to New York ot get her to Camp Half-Blood. She had good relationships wit almost everyone in the Hermes Cabin while she stayed there for a summer before getting claimed by her father.
[Well, I kind of want to know more about her relationship with her mother, how'd her mom get Apollo's attention, her relationship with her siblings in the Apollo cabin, etc.,]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Camp Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: She likes to use a spear, which so obtained via weaponry.
Powers and Abilities: Biokinesis: manipulation of the body. She uses it to heal, and works mostly in the infirmary when she isn't training.
[Can you define the limits of biokinesis? Because right now, it sounds like a very, very powerful ability. If it's just healing, then biokinesis wouldn't be the right word. Rather, vitakinesis is defined as manipulation and modification of a person's anatomy to restore the injured to near-instantaneous health, though, since they're demigods, it could be restricted by the extent of the damage done.]
Comments:
The character is actually good and interesting but backstory and powers were a bit of a let-down.
Final judgement: Elysium
Basics
Name: Caroline Campell
Age: 14
Gender: Female
Birthday: July 4, 2000
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Hair color: Blonde
Eye color: Green
Height: 5'2''
Weight: 109 lbs
Other physical descriptions: She has a good tan from being outside in the sun so much. Hair is almost always stuffed up into a french braid, but she has little 'frizzies' by her face that she doesn't know how to manage. Freckles dot her nose and top of her cheeks. She has a bit more baby fat on her face than most kids her age, leading to teasing from her siblings. Caroline terrible tan lines from her shorts and tank top, even some around her ankles due to almost exclusively wearing high-tops. Her eyes are a darker green, but are quite round and big, almost doll-like. She has a small mouth with perpetually chapped lips, from being far too lazy to re-apply chapstick every ten minutes.
[Nice, nice. detailed, practical, and make-sense. Good job]
Sexual orientation: Asexual/Heteroromantic
[Yay for representation.]
[For people who don't know, 'asexual' means a person doesn't feel any sexual attraction but that doesn't mean their aromantic. In this case, being 'heteroromantic' means that a person feels romantic attraction for people of the opposite gender.]
Personality
Positive traits: Caroline is a great listener, and keeps secrets. This turns into her listening to confessions from her cabin, and some other campers. She has a bubbly personality, always ready to meet new campers or pull pranks, though she isn't ever the mastermind behind them. She tends to surprise new camper with sarcasm, seeing as she looks so sweet that she wouldn't have a 'sassy' bone in her body.
[Whoa. Nice one. My girlfriend's like that. She acts all sweet and kind and caring but inside, she's a psychopath.]
[Sorry just popping by because screw you, Kara. I'm not a psychopath. You're a sociopath. And being sassy and sarcastic isn't bad! You're worse than me! You're, like, the queen of the sardonic sass-lords! Now if you excuse me, I have an article too write. - L]
[WTF. I go to the bathroom and this happens.]
Negative traits: She has terrible endurance, causing half of her training to consist of breaks. When meeting new people, she tends to embarrass herself by mishearing words, continuing to talk with misinformation, making a joke that doesn't get laughs, or even tripping over herself from excitement. She doesn't have a very thick skin, and cares a lot about how people see her.
[I like this character. Her insecurities are realistic and the negative traits match the positive traits.]
Fears/Phobias: She is afraid of the dark. [Now, I'll accept this with no explanation because apparently, this is inherent for some people. (though, I'd like it if you mentioned whether it was inherent or not.]
Fatal Flaw: She is too easily excitable, and she sometimes rushes into a fight too quickly thinking she can take on whoever the opponent is.
[Definitely fatal.]
Family and Background
Godly Parent: Apollo
Mortal Parent: Joanna Campell [Hoping you elaborate on this person in the backstory.]
Backstory:
Caroline grew up in California, with a pretty normal childhood. When she turned ten, she barely missed an attack by a basilisk in the locker room shower of her school. Her mother took a long road trip to New York ot get her to Camp Half-Blood. She had good relationships wit almost everyone in the Hermes Cabin while she stayed there for a summer before getting claimed by her father.
[Well, I kind of want to know more about her relationship with her mother, how'd her mom get Apollo's attention, her relationship with her siblings in the Apollo cabin, etc.,]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Camp Half-Blood
Weapon of choice: She likes to use a spear, which so obtained via weaponry.
Powers and Abilities: Biokinesis: manipulation of the body. She uses it to heal, and works mostly in the infirmary when she isn't training.
[Can you define the limits of biokinesis? Because right now, it sounds like a very, very powerful ability. If it's just healing, then biokinesis wouldn't be the right word. Rather, vitakinesis is defined as manipulation and modification of a person's anatomy to restore the injured to near-instantaneous health, though, since they're demigods, it could be restricted by the extent of the damage done.]
Comments:
The character is actually good and interesting but backstory and powers were a bit of a let-down.
Final judgement: Elysium
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16