The Original Character Court
Elizabeth Harris
Submitted by: theteenagefandom
Basics
Name: Elizabeth Harris
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Birthday: 10-23-99
Ethnicity: American
Hair color: Light brown
Eye color: Hazel
Other physical descriptions: No tattoos, but scars up and down her arms from her cats.
[Why on earth does she have a lot of cats? I mean I love cats but how many does she have? O_o just genuinely curious. You don't actually need to answer that since I don't think it'll affect your OC.]
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 150 lbs
[Healthy]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Aphrodite
[Given how this girl gets sent to Camp Jupiter, she should be a daughter of Venus.]
Mortal parent: Dan Harris
Other relationships:
She has Piper and all her half-siblings, but her herself
[*she herself]
has a twin named Claire Harris. Claire is also nice, and loves fashion.
["loves fashion" no offense, but that's such a stereotype. But if you can still make her more interesting, then that's fine.]
Her best friend is none other then Nico Di angelo,
[Wait what]
earning his trust once he almost drowned. They were out at a beach, and Elizabeth saw Nico drowning.
[Sounds far-fetched and a little too... Okay, the right word escapes me at the moment. Here's to hoping that you develop the friendship well. Also, Nico wouldn't trust someone just like that even if you do save him. Once upon a time, he might have, but given his character development, it'd be a lot harder to gain his trust.]
Personality
Positive traits: Elizabeth is kind and very bright to others. She an open book, and loves spending time with other people. She keeps promises and is always loyal to whoever is kind back to her.
Negative traits: Elizabeth is a little to trusting,
[*too]
and sometimes trusts the wrong people.
[Very dangerous.]
She also gets bossy when she wants something to work, which can be a little annoying.
[Haha. Cute.]
Fears/Phobias: Heights, because she was once in an airplane and she got so scared she threw up.
[Whelp.]
Fatal Flaw: Bossy. She is kind a lot,
[Saying "kind most of the time" would be better]
but when she wants something her way, she can get a little to demanding.
[*too]
[Well, I can see how this can come into play.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Jupiter
Cohort: 5th
Number of years: 2 years
Weapon of choice: A thick, flat diamond sword. Elizabeth got it from the weapon shack.
[Diamond? Pre-existing weapons often have backstories. What's the story of this one? Furthermore, why diamond? That won't kill any monsters unless it's enchanted or smth. I suggest you stick with Imperial Gold/Celestial Bronze. Also, Camp Jupiter doesn't have a weapon shack. That's CHB. CJ has an armory.]
Other weapons: None
Powers and Abilities: Charm speak and fashion advice. XD
[Um... what? They could have a super keen fashion sense (Carmilla reference, anyone?) but that's not really a power/ability that would help in combat. Charmspeak is also super rare.]
Backstory:
Elizabeth and Claire grew up with their dad in New York City, leaving when they were 14. A Saytr had sniffed them our, and it was none other then Coach Hedge.
[I thought they go to Camp Jupiter and not Half-Blood? Consistency, please.]
Their dad understood, and let them go. However he was a little upset. At camp, they fit right in and everyone loved them.
[Not realistic. Damn, these two girls are starting to sound like Mary Sues.]
Comments:
Lacks so much details. Some details conflict with canon (both camp facts and character personalities.) I can't tell what kind of person she is. There are a few bits that redeem the character, but besides that, I can't really say anything about her because there's nothing to say.
Final judgement: Fields of Punishment
Basics
Name: Elizabeth Harris
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Birthday: 10-23-99
Ethnicity: American
Hair color: Light brown
Eye color: Hazel
Other physical descriptions: No tattoos, but scars up and down her arms from her cats.
[Why on earth does she have a lot of cats? I mean I love cats but how many does she have? O_o just genuinely curious. You don't actually need to answer that since I don't think it'll affect your OC.]
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 150 lbs
[Healthy]
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Godly parent: Aphrodite
[Given how this girl gets sent to Camp Jupiter, she should be a daughter of Venus.]
Mortal parent: Dan Harris
Other relationships:
She has Piper and all her half-siblings, but her herself
[*she herself]
has a twin named Claire Harris. Claire is also nice, and loves fashion.
["loves fashion" no offense, but that's such a stereotype. But if you can still make her more interesting, then that's fine.]
Her best friend is none other then Nico Di angelo,
[Wait what]
earning his trust once he almost drowned. They were out at a beach, and Elizabeth saw Nico drowning.
[Sounds far-fetched and a little too... Okay, the right word escapes me at the moment. Here's to hoping that you develop the friendship well. Also, Nico wouldn't trust someone just like that even if you do save him. Once upon a time, he might have, but given his character development, it'd be a lot harder to gain his trust.]
Personality
Positive traits: Elizabeth is kind and very bright to others. She an open book, and loves spending time with other people. She keeps promises and is always loyal to whoever is kind back to her.
Negative traits: Elizabeth is a little to trusting,
[*too]
and sometimes trusts the wrong people.
[Very dangerous.]
She also gets bossy when she wants something to work, which can be a little annoying.
[Haha. Cute.]
Fears/Phobias: Heights, because she was once in an airplane and she got so scared she threw up.
[Whelp.]
Fatal Flaw: Bossy. She is kind a lot,
[Saying "kind most of the time" would be better]
but when she wants something her way, she can get a little to demanding.
[*too]
[Well, I can see how this can come into play.]
Combat-related questions
Camp: Jupiter
Cohort: 5th
Number of years: 2 years
Weapon of choice: A thick, flat diamond sword. Elizabeth got it from the weapon shack.
[Diamond? Pre-existing weapons often have backstories. What's the story of this one? Furthermore, why diamond? That won't kill any monsters unless it's enchanted or smth. I suggest you stick with Imperial Gold/Celestial Bronze. Also, Camp Jupiter doesn't have a weapon shack. That's CHB. CJ has an armory.]
Other weapons: None
Powers and Abilities: Charm speak and fashion advice. XD
[Um... what? They could have a super keen fashion sense (Carmilla reference, anyone?) but that's not really a power/ability that would help in combat. Charmspeak is also super rare.]
Backstory:
Elizabeth and Claire grew up with their dad in New York City, leaving when they were 14. A Saytr had sniffed them our, and it was none other then Coach Hedge.
[I thought they go to Camp Jupiter and not Half-Blood? Consistency, please.]
Their dad understood, and let them go. However he was a little upset. At camp, they fit right in and everyone loved them.
[Not realistic. Damn, these two girls are starting to sound like Mary Sues.]
Comments:
Lacks so much details. Some details conflict with canon (both camp facts and character personalities.) I can't tell what kind of person she is. There are a few bits that redeem the character, but besides that, I can't really say anything about her because there's nothing to say.
Final judgement: Fields of Punishment
I am SO sorry for your loss. I havent lost too many people in my life, but i have lost enough to know its a horrible thing to go through. Are you going to continue The Original Character Court without her?
5/15/16