Writing Reviews and Rants
"A Very Cold Reunion" Critique
Depth: 2
Harshness: 3
Focus: Character Development, Humor, Canon Character Portrayal Accuracy
________________________
Just a note: Sometimes, I’ll make a correction that doesn’t really need to be corrected, but that is just not how I would have written it. It may just be a part of your writing style, and I misinterpreted it. So just consider each comment, and decide for yourself if it really needs to be changed. I do my best to review from the perspective of a reader AND a writer.
Cover: Not extraordinary, and fairly basic, but it captures the reader’s attention and is simple enough to keep from overwhelming them.
Exordium: Just the right amount of description, short, to the point, but doesn’t give too much away. Perfect example of an exemplary exordium (see what I did there? No? Okay, sorry...XD)
Blurb: Same as the exordium. Short, descriptive, funny, to the point, intriguing, doesn’t give too much away while still making you want to read it. Great job!
Chapter Titles: They look funny and interesting, which is really all you can ask for with RR fanfiction. *thumbs up*
Style/Description:
-(Chapter 1) Descriptions are vivid, and I commend you for your abstaining from adverb over-usage. I and many other writers have a problem with that, but it seems you’ve kept your usage of them under check. Good job!
-(Chapter 2) Your style actually reminds me of Riordan himself’s. Similar senses of humor and description styles. Of course every writer has their own marks and tell-signs, but I just thought it might encourage you some to say I see a similarity. That is something I envy you for. ;)
-(Chapter 3) Vivid imagery. Very nice.
-(Chapter 3) While there is obviously romance in the future for Kyle and Hailey, I think you presented it in a way that wasn’t all in-your-face about it. As long as you keep it that way, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
-(Chapter 4) Kaleidoscopic? Isn’t that a little...idk, just felt like a big up in vocab levels. I immediately thought this:
I’d reserve extreme descriptions like that for things like hypnotism.
-(Chapter 4) Again, nice description. I’m really liking your style, and if there were more, I would definitely read it.
Grammar/Structure:
Virtually nothing bad to say about it whatsoever. There were a few grammar mistakes that made for awkward reading, but the average pacing was great. Most writers go too fast or too slow, but you’ve got it on the fence, keeping the reader interested while not being too detailed or not detailed enough. That’s a difficult feat, so kudos.
Plot/Character Development:
-(Chapter 1) In terms of canon portrayal, I feel you have made Piper a bit too angsty (used frequently in fanfiction to mean “whiny”, FYI). I never thought her as one to complain about getting her clothes dirty. (Granted, I’ve only read up to The Lost Hero, so I may not be the best judge of what’s accurate in that case, but I’m just saying from what I DO know. Maybe she changed a lot since then. If that’s the case, then ignore this part.)
-(Chapter 2) Your description of Dusty made it so I could immediately tell that he was Hailey’s satyr, and that’s good. I prefer a bit of foreshadowing to complete surprises (unless it’s the main plot twist, of course!)
-(Chapter 2) Also, you were good to avoid the cliche of making it HAILEY who defeated the karpos. Most fanfiction writers make it their main character who defeats the initial monster (myself included, regretfully), but I think it’s more realistic in the long run to make it someone who’s obviously more experiences who saves them. Granted, you CAN pull off having your character do it, but it’s difficult. Again, good job.
-(Chapter 4) Your portrayal of Piper feels more accurate in this chapter. From what I’ve gathered, she’s outgoing without being outspoken, and has days of both pessimism and optimism. You seem to do a better job of capturing that in this chapter.
OVERALL SUMMARY:
Overall, there were so few mistakes I could hardly hold true to my assigned grading style! The only major thing I noticed was that Piper acted a bit OOC a few times. Fix that, and your story definitely has potential, and after I’d love to read more as it comes out.
Harshness: 3
Focus: Character Development, Humor, Canon Character Portrayal Accuracy
________________________
Just a note: Sometimes, I’ll make a correction that doesn’t really need to be corrected, but that is just not how I would have written it. It may just be a part of your writing style, and I misinterpreted it. So just consider each comment, and decide for yourself if it really needs to be changed. I do my best to review from the perspective of a reader AND a writer.
Cover: Not extraordinary, and fairly basic, but it captures the reader’s attention and is simple enough to keep from overwhelming them.
Exordium: Just the right amount of description, short, to the point, but doesn’t give too much away. Perfect example of an exemplary exordium (see what I did there? No? Okay, sorry...XD)
Blurb: Same as the exordium. Short, descriptive, funny, to the point, intriguing, doesn’t give too much away while still making you want to read it. Great job!
Chapter Titles: They look funny and interesting, which is really all you can ask for with RR fanfiction. *thumbs up*
Style/Description:
-(Chapter 1) Descriptions are vivid, and I commend you for your abstaining from adverb over-usage. I and many other writers have a problem with that, but it seems you’ve kept your usage of them under check. Good job!
-(Chapter 2) Your style actually reminds me of Riordan himself’s. Similar senses of humor and description styles. Of course every writer has their own marks and tell-signs, but I just thought it might encourage you some to say I see a similarity. That is something I envy you for. ;)
-(Chapter 3) Vivid imagery. Very nice.
-(Chapter 3) While there is obviously romance in the future for Kyle and Hailey, I think you presented it in a way that wasn’t all in-your-face about it. As long as you keep it that way, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
-(Chapter 4) Kaleidoscopic? Isn’t that a little...idk, just felt like a big up in vocab levels. I immediately thought this:
I’d reserve extreme descriptions like that for things like hypnotism.
-(Chapter 4) Again, nice description. I’m really liking your style, and if there were more, I would definitely read it.
Grammar/Structure:
Virtually nothing bad to say about it whatsoever. There were a few grammar mistakes that made for awkward reading, but the average pacing was great. Most writers go too fast or too slow, but you’ve got it on the fence, keeping the reader interested while not being too detailed or not detailed enough. That’s a difficult feat, so kudos.
Plot/Character Development:
-(Chapter 1) In terms of canon portrayal, I feel you have made Piper a bit too angsty (used frequently in fanfiction to mean “whiny”, FYI). I never thought her as one to complain about getting her clothes dirty. (Granted, I’ve only read up to The Lost Hero, so I may not be the best judge of what’s accurate in that case, but I’m just saying from what I DO know. Maybe she changed a lot since then. If that’s the case, then ignore this part.)
-(Chapter 2) Your description of Dusty made it so I could immediately tell that he was Hailey’s satyr, and that’s good. I prefer a bit of foreshadowing to complete surprises (unless it’s the main plot twist, of course!)
-(Chapter 2) Also, you were good to avoid the cliche of making it HAILEY who defeated the karpos. Most fanfiction writers make it their main character who defeats the initial monster (myself included, regretfully), but I think it’s more realistic in the long run to make it someone who’s obviously more experiences who saves them. Granted, you CAN pull off having your character do it, but it’s difficult. Again, good job.
-(Chapter 4) Your portrayal of Piper feels more accurate in this chapter. From what I’ve gathered, she’s outgoing without being outspoken, and has days of both pessimism and optimism. You seem to do a better job of capturing that in this chapter.
OVERALL SUMMARY:
Overall, there were so few mistakes I could hardly hold true to my assigned grading style! The only major thing I noticed was that Piper acted a bit OOC a few times. Fix that, and your story definitely has potential, and after I’d love to read more as it comes out.
Can you please review my story "The Will of The Gods" with a depth of 3 and a harshness of 3? It is yet to be completed so please tack that into account. Thank you!
12/15/19