Writing Reviews and Rants
"Demigod Origins: Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano" Critique
Depth: 2
Harshness: 2
Focus: Characterization, Dialogue
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Just a note: Sometimes, I’ll make a correction that doesn’t really need to be corrected, but that is just not how I would have written it. It may just be a part of your writing style, and I misinterpreted it. So just consider each comment, and decide for yourself if it really needs to be changed. I do my best to review from the perspective of a reader AND a writer.
(I’ll just say now, I’m still on the freakin Lost Hero, so I haven’t met Reyna yet and may not be the best judge of your character representation, but I’ll do the best I can.)
Cover: Seems to pretty well represent your story, seeing as Reyna is Roman.
Exordium: It as a stand alone is very well written and intriguing, but I’m not exactly sure how it relates to the story yet, so I can’t tell if it’s the right one to have.
Blurb: There are a few grammatical errors and run ons, but the description itself is very, very good.
Style/Description:
-(Prologue) Very well done. However, prologues are generally a no-no in writing. Most readers see "Prologue" and automatically skip over it (I am guilty of this also.) No matter how good your prologue may be, the word itself has gained a connotation that screams "skip me, I'm filled with boring, unnecessary information." Whether or not that's true, that's the first impression that it gives, and that's what most readers will likely be thinking.
As a stand-alone, I'd say it's very well written. Description if vivid, story is interesting. However, I have done a lot of research on when a prologue is appropriate and when it is not, and I have found two rules of thumb for determining:
1- If you were to completely get rid of the prologue, would it detract from the rest of your story at all? If not, then the prologue is unnecessary
2- If you were to rename the prologue as "Chapter 1", would it negatively affect the story at all? If not, then do so.
-(Chapter 1) Description is still very well done. You have a knack for it. Great job!
Grammar/Structure:
-(Prologue) Very well written. Occasional grammar or spelling slip-up, but other than that, it reads very very smoothly. The whole thing felt actually relevant to the story (unlike a lot of prologues you’d find), so kudos for that.
-(Chapter 1) Also very well written. However, the grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes are a bit more frequent, and I noticed you switched to present tense several times. Consider revising.
Plot/Character Development/Dialogue:
-(Prologue) You did a very good job of creating the image of a slightly oblivious very innocent young girl. The dialogue was realistic, and general character development at the perfect pace.
-(Chapter 1) Same as Prologue. The pacing was great, and the albeit short action scene was believable and interesting.
OVERALL SUMMARY:
For english being your second language, the number of mistakes in this is amazingly low. I was very surprised, as you write so well, I never would have guessed it wasn’t your first! I know how difficult learning another language is (I am actually learning Latin), so if you were ever interested, I’d be glad to help you with grammar and spelling, to make it easier for others to read.
As of now, I give this a 9/10 (the only reason it’s not a 10 is the grammar errors)! Very nice! I would definitely keep reading, and hope you keep writing. I personally love longer chapters, as it represents the author’s stamina, so kudos for that, too. In short, with a little revising, you’ve got something special here.
Harshness: 2
Focus: Characterization, Dialogue
________________________
Just a note: Sometimes, I’ll make a correction that doesn’t really need to be corrected, but that is just not how I would have written it. It may just be a part of your writing style, and I misinterpreted it. So just consider each comment, and decide for yourself if it really needs to be changed. I do my best to review from the perspective of a reader AND a writer.
(I’ll just say now, I’m still on the freakin Lost Hero, so I haven’t met Reyna yet and may not be the best judge of your character representation, but I’ll do the best I can.)
Cover: Seems to pretty well represent your story, seeing as Reyna is Roman.
Exordium: It as a stand alone is very well written and intriguing, but I’m not exactly sure how it relates to the story yet, so I can’t tell if it’s the right one to have.
Blurb: There are a few grammatical errors and run ons, but the description itself is very, very good.
Style/Description:
-(Prologue) Very well done. However, prologues are generally a no-no in writing. Most readers see "Prologue" and automatically skip over it (I am guilty of this also.) No matter how good your prologue may be, the word itself has gained a connotation that screams "skip me, I'm filled with boring, unnecessary information." Whether or not that's true, that's the first impression that it gives, and that's what most readers will likely be thinking.
As a stand-alone, I'd say it's very well written. Description if vivid, story is interesting. However, I have done a lot of research on when a prologue is appropriate and when it is not, and I have found two rules of thumb for determining:
1- If you were to completely get rid of the prologue, would it detract from the rest of your story at all? If not, then the prologue is unnecessary
2- If you were to rename the prologue as "Chapter 1", would it negatively affect the story at all? If not, then do so.
-(Chapter 1) Description is still very well done. You have a knack for it. Great job!
Grammar/Structure:
-(Prologue) Very well written. Occasional grammar or spelling slip-up, but other than that, it reads very very smoothly. The whole thing felt actually relevant to the story (unlike a lot of prologues you’d find), so kudos for that.
-(Chapter 1) Also very well written. However, the grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes are a bit more frequent, and I noticed you switched to present tense several times. Consider revising.
Plot/Character Development/Dialogue:
-(Prologue) You did a very good job of creating the image of a slightly oblivious very innocent young girl. The dialogue was realistic, and general character development at the perfect pace.
-(Chapter 1) Same as Prologue. The pacing was great, and the albeit short action scene was believable and interesting.
OVERALL SUMMARY:
For english being your second language, the number of mistakes in this is amazingly low. I was very surprised, as you write so well, I never would have guessed it wasn’t your first! I know how difficult learning another language is (I am actually learning Latin), so if you were ever interested, I’d be glad to help you with grammar and spelling, to make it easier for others to read.
As of now, I give this a 9/10 (the only reason it’s not a 10 is the grammar errors)! Very nice! I would definitely keep reading, and hope you keep writing. I personally love longer chapters, as it represents the author’s stamina, so kudos for that, too. In short, with a little revising, you’ve got something special here.
Can you please review my story "The Will of The Gods" with a depth of 3 and a harshness of 3? It is yet to be completed so please tack that into account. Thank you!
12/15/19