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Mibba

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On the streets

Chapter 3

The big dog chased Allie and I through many alleyways. Before we knew it it was already sunrise. I was exhausted, and drenched with sweat. A few minutes later, we ran into a huge guy, and a old woman. "hello dears" the old woman said."where are your parents?"
"um, um" I stammered. "were orphans" I didn't know what else to say, and I was only 8.
"well then, come with us now" the big man said
Something about this old women unsettled me, and made me feel uneasy. She reminded me of my old baby sitter to much-Tia Ciadda. It was probably just me, from being so tired.
"were here" the old woman said. She opened a door, from a doorstep, like those orphanages you see in movies, but it was so unlike the other orphanage I stayed in. It was full of kids playing, and shouting. Having pillow fights. But I still felt uneasy, and judging by Allies look on her face she did too, but walking side by side, we found two empty beds, and set down our few belongings on them. we went and had fun.
The next morning, it was noon when we woke up, there was no problem with it. Through out the day, Allie and I had fun, but we still felt a little uneasy there, but we settled in fine.
Days passed, weeks passed, and soon it was my birthday. At 2:00 in the morning, the old woman said
"Leo, get Allie up, you need to leave now"
The woman's voice was so urgent I did everything she asked. Before we left, she gave each of us a pack of food, blankets, soda's, sleeping bags, and was it deodorant? Right before we ran out the door, the big burly man turned to us and said "Rushing off" and he came chasing us.
"go" the old woman screamed and all of a sudden she changed into a beautiful warrior woman and held the big guy off. Allie and I ran. We ran until our feet could not carry us anymore. Two Nine year olds, in the mercy of the darkness. Sleeping our days of in the cold winter nights. Bouncing from foster home to foster home.

Notes

if you want me to write a part of Allies story, just comment below, but if you want just Leo's story tell me too.
Also, I will try to update as much as I can, but this is my second fanfiction, and I have not finished the first so I'm really busy.
Thank you for your patience

Comments

@ivenomeansbywhichtodefend
Thank you for the critique and your right, after not seeing this for a while I realize that this is true. (Sorry I took so long to reply)

I really really like your story and the way it's going, but I am going to critique a little. You need to slow down a bit. You've got all these ideas jumbled into your head, and you're writing them so fast that a lot of the detail which makes it flow isn't getting in. But I really like the direction this is heading! I'm really excited to read more like bouncing in my seat kind of excited

Nice

Constrictor Constrictor
1/23/16

I love it please update

Kat1st Kat1st
11/28/15

This is good as!

Go_chase_a_Donut Go_chase_a_Donut
11/26/15