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On the streets

Chapter 6 part b

After Allie told her story there was a moment of silence. Everyone looked down at their feet. Annabeth was the first to speak up.
"Can you explain about the pirate ship?" She asked
"Sure" Allie answered. "After a while, Leo and I were getting chased by a pirate. Thanks to Leo's bravery, I got captured by a man named Chrysaor.
"Wait, Chrysaor?" Percy asked "As in golden Pirate man?"
"Yep" Allie continued. "Anyway, I was on his ship, and thinks to my smart wit, I used the threat of diet coke and scared Chrysaor's dolphin crew away.Then that's when the goddess came. It was Athena. She blasted Chrysaor off his own ship, and explained that I was a demigod, daughter of her. I needed to get to a safe haven on the other side of the country called Camp Half Blood. I asked if there was a closer one, and she said there was. It just wouldn't tolerate a child like me. Anyway, I've been trying to find the safe haven ever since, but now, I wound back up with Leo."
"I know, that's just your luck" I said cheerfully
"Wow" Hazel started "That must of been hard for you. The names Hazel by the way."
"I'm Nico" Nico mumbled.
"And I'm Leo" I put out my hand for her to shake
"Oh my gosh!" Allie said sarcastically "I thought your name was Bob! We have never met though" She rolled her eyes
The rest of crew introduced themselves. We talked, and then, the ship was bumped into another part of the sea.
"Remember me Allie? " A golden man said.
Everyone pulled out their weapons.

Notes

Comments

@ivenomeansbywhichtodefend
Thank you for the critique and your right, after not seeing this for a while I realize that this is true. (Sorry I took so long to reply)

I really really like your story and the way it's going, but I am going to critique a little. You need to slow down a bit. You've got all these ideas jumbled into your head, and you're writing them so fast that a lot of the detail which makes it flow isn't getting in. But I really like the direction this is heading! I'm really excited to read more like bouncing in my seat kind of excited

Nice

Constrictor Constrictor
1/23/16

I love it please update

Kat1st Kat1st
11/28/15

This is good as!

Go_chase_a_Donut Go_chase_a_Donut
11/26/15